My friend Mary Jo understood this. Take the matter of corn chips and chocolate-covered raisins (if you can). To my horror, I ran out of both during Dad’s last days and there was no chance I could get to the store.
Mary Jo got them for me; she brought me corn chips and chocolate-covered raisins and did not tell me I should eat better, did not substitute raw carrots and yogurt, did not try to tell me that I needed to eat better. She went with what I wanted.
Helping is an art when it responds to want and need. Sometimes we think we know what people need but we don’t think about what they want, so asking the simple question “What do you want?” is a kindness. If the answer is something disgusting like “corn chips and chocolate-covered raisins,” try to go with it. Nobody said helping would be easy.
--Maureen O'Hern
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