The Art of Helping: #5 Saying “I know you are struggling”

My friend Sandy and I have come perilously close to being kicked out of places that sell books and cards because we really enjoy ourselves, perhaps somewhat too warmly, amid words. We both love the excitement of the hunt: somewhere there is the Pulitzer of hilarious cards and one of us is going to find it.


It had been a long, long while since we had spent such raucous time together, and a long while since we had even talked on the phone. My days -- and nights -- were filled with Dad and there was no time for friends.


Then one dark caregiving day I got a card (of course) from her. On the front was a bit of a rainbow with a gift tag drawn on it; “For You” was on the tag. Inside was printed “I found this rainbow and thought you could use it.” Under that she had written “Thinking of you --” and her name. That’s all. But it made an enormous difference in my spirit because with that simple card she said “I know you are struggling.”


There’s a difference between saying “I know what you’re going through” and “I know you are struggling.” To the first I would say “No, you don’t!” and to the second, I would say “Thank you! You raise me up!” Sandy’s card raised me up.


That card came twelve years ago, and I still have it. It reminds me of Sandy’s artful helping: even though I was cut off from my friends, that card told me that she knew I was struggling, and I still remember the difference that made for me at the time.

-- Maureen O’Hern

About Maureen:
Recently repatriated to Indiana from California, I am a long-time single parent of two sons, a grandma, a retired educator, a rusty musician, a botanical artist, a gardener and a lover of all things herbal. As a former daughter and niece, I am working to finish a book about caregiving.