WhatFriendsDo

Carrot Cake Day

2012-02-03T14:19:00.001-05:00

I love carrot cake! Idon’t do chocolate, and I’m not a big fan of things which are too sweet, socarrot cake really hits the spot. Thelight, fluffy cream cheese icing doesn’t hurt either.

All of that said, if on Carrot Cake Day a kind heartedfriend surprised me with a carrot cake for my family, I would freak out! Of course, I would be very gracious and thankthe friend for the thought and effort. Onthe inside, though, I would be makingsure I knew were all epi-pens were located, and do my best to hide thecake. That is because carrot cake, inall of it’s yummy goodness, is filled with eggs, butter, cream cheese andusually nuts, all of which are potentially life-threating, and most certainlyhospital-trip inducing, allergens for one member of our family. While the food item has to be consumed for anallergic reaction to occur, it’s pretty hard and depressing to explain to yoursix-year-old why, once again, there is a big beautiful cake, this time on yourkitchen counter, which is off limits.

Really close friends of ours know what’s safe, and what’snot safe, to bring to our house with out having to ask. But for those not so close, they often don’tknow what food to bring to our home.

I hate to feel so badly when a friend is offering such akind gift. My heart also breaks a littlebit each time I have to break the news, and see the sad eyes that long to benormal and enjoy a piece of cake just like everyone else.

So what’s a friend to do when they want to take food as asurprise to someone you don’t know very well? One thing would be to ask some closer friends if there are any foodrestrictions in the house. If the friendis close enough they will know if there are restrictions, and if they do nothave the full list, they will be able to find out with out much difficulty. If the food restrictions are too much foryou, find another fun surprise!! Nextweek is Door StepDay, do something fun then!

It's never too late...

2012-01-25T12:11:00.000-05:00

I just read an article full of tips to help tackleyour to-do list and prevent procrastination. Reading the article seemed a prefect way to put off my current to-dolist! The first suggestion was to startwith the hardest item on your to-do list, the one you are most dreading.

On the top of my to-do list for the past four weeks (yes, Iknow!) has been to contact a friend who told me the week before Christmas thatshe and her husband lost a baby they were expecting. I want to reach out to her right then. To say I’m sosad for them. Tell her she has been onmy mind almost daily. But in the hustleand bustle of the holidays I didn’t get around to it. Then after the New Year, kids went back toschool, things were busy with work, and I still didn’t send her a message. I continue to drive past her house almostdaily and think about her, and her lose, and the precious baby she will neverhold. But it’s been so long now sinceshe shared this information with me, I feel guilty for not getting back to hersooner.

Right now I’m thinking too much about me, and my guilt andshame, and it’s NOT ABOUT ME. It’s abouther. And I’m sure she’s still hurtingfrom her loss and she needs friends close right now.

So right now, I just sent an email to her. It was short and to the point.

“Are you free forlunch this week? Tuesday and Wednesdayare best. What works for you?

You have been on mymind daily and I’m so sorry it has taken me this long to reach out.

I look forward togiving you a hug soon.”

It’s checked off my list, which is nice for me, but what’sbest is that I’ve reached out again. No,I shouldn’t have taken this long, but I did. Now I need to move forward and be the best friend I can be. She is going through a very difficult timeand needs support, no matter how long it has been.

No matter what the situation, or how long you have waited,get back in touch, because it’s never too late to be a good friend.

Only the Best

2012-01-18T22:16:00.002-05:00

January 20 is Only The Best Day on WhatFriendsDo.com. There are so many different ways to think about what “only the best” means. My initial thoughts are around wanting to do only the best for my friends when they need my help. If taking a meal, I want to fix only my best recipe, and take it in my best serving dishes. I want to deliver it at the time that is best for my friend. I want the best dessert to be included. I want to create the best possible moments for my friends so they can hopefully relax for just a short time in the midst of their difficult situation.

Another perspective for the day is that we want Only The Best attitude and outcome for our friends. We know times get tough. We know everyone needs a pity party, and sometimes those pity parties last quite awhile. We don’t expect our friends to be giddy about a medical challenge, but we do hope for the best for their ability to cope with the situation. We have to hope for only the best, and know that the best for one person is totally the opposite of the best for another.

When it comes to which friends can/should help, Only The Best gets ruled out in my book. I call my bestest buds my “3am friends” – the ones that if I needed help at 3am I know I could call them and they would help me even at that awful hour. I am very blessed to have a rather long list of 3am friends, and there are some ways that I would want Only The Best friends involved when I need to enlist the help of friends. But there are so many other friends in my life and I know they would want to be part of my journey, just as I would want to be part of theirs in their times of need. That’s why I love the team concept we use on WhatFriendsDo.com . It allows all of those various circle of friends to be involved. The 3am friends can coordinate the help, as they would know what is truly needed. But the best buds don’t need to be fixing all the meals, running all the errands, doing all the laundry. Friendships come in so many different forms, just as friends come with so many different personalities. It is sometimes so amazing to see that a casual friend is often the one who is needed the most.

Whatever Only The Best might mean for you, please take action and either help a friend, get in touch with a friend, or do an act of kindness for a medical staffer. Afterward – guaranteed you will definitely feel your best!

12 Day of Christmas

2011-12-22T11:06:00.000-05:00

There seems to be a natural 'let down' after the holidays for many people. Someone going through a difficult life situation may be even more susceptible to wintertime blues. Here's a fun WhatFriendsDo.com way to lift someone's spirits that will also give great joy to all who participate in the giving of this fun gift:

The Twelve Days of Christmas

With very little effort or expense, you can surprise your friend each day for a dozen days with a special gift. Suggested gifts are listed below. Attach a card to the gift with the words "Sing It" on the front and the words (below) inside:

Day 1 (December 25)

On thefirst day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo Team gave to me sparkling juice from apear tree.

GiftIdea: 1 bottle of sparkling pear juice

Day 2 (December 26)

On thesecond day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo Team gave to me two turtles/doves.

Gift Idea:2 chocolate turtles / 2 Dove candy bars

Day 3 (December 27)

On thethird day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo Team gave to me three French breads.

GiftIdea: 3 loaves of French bread

Day 4 (December 28)

On thefourth day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo Team gave to me four calling cards.

GiftIdea: 4 phone calling cards

Day 5 (December 29)

On thefifth day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo Team gave to me five donut rings.

GiftIdea: 5 donuts (with holes in the center, of course!)

Day 6 (December 30)

On thesixth day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo Team gave to me six deviled eggs (thegeese made us do it!)

GiftIdea: 6 deviled eggs

Day 7 (December 31)

On theseventh day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo Team gave to me seven swans aswimming.

GiftIdea: 7 swan cookies on a large cookie (pond) with blue icing

Day 8 (January 1)

On theeighth day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo Team gave to me eight yummy milkshakes.

GiftIdea: 8 milk shake gift certificates

Day 9 (January 2)

On theninth day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo Team gave to me nine lady fingers.

GiftIdea: 9 lady finger cakes

Day 10 (January 3)

Onthe tenth day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo Team gave to me ten paintedtoenails.

GiftIdea: pedicure gift certificate

Day 11 (January 4)

On theeleventh day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo Team gave to me eleven piperspiping.

GiftIdea: 11 friends with toy flutes 'serenade' your friend

Day 12 (January 5)

Onthe twelfth day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo Team gave to me a twelvedrumstick dinner.

GiftIdea: fried chicken dinner with 12 drumsticks

Plan A Caroling Party

2011-12-20T15:05:00.003-05:00

With the hustle and bustle of last minute preparations winding up, how about spending a few minutes planning a great treat for your friend? This idea will brighten the season for your friend and his/her family, and probably be one of the highlights of the season for everyone who participates.

Here are super easy step-by-step instructions to plan a caroling party:

1. Pick a date (within the next few days!)
2. Pick a time
3. Call someone in your friend’s family to confirm that the date/time work for them.
4. Pick 5 song (easy ones – see suggestions below)
5. Pick a spot for everyone to meet
6. Send an email (see sample below) to everyone on your WhatFriendsDo Team (and if you don’t have a team yet – get one!)
7. Show up 10-15 minutes early, perhaps with a sign, for example: Merry Christmas [friend’s name]
8. Enjoy!!

Sample email:

Dear Friends –

Tis the season to be jolly, to give the gift of love
and share joys. What better way to do all of that for [friend’s name] than
sing carols!
Please join me at [time] on [date] to sing some joy! We’ll
meet at [spot] at [time], walk to [friend’s name]’s house and sing these 5
songs: (list songs).

We won’t stay long – we won’t
even be taking our coats off. If you choose to bring along a small gift to
leave for [friend’s name] and his/her family, that would be great, but it is not
necessary.

Invite other friends to join us – let’s assemble a huge
chorus of friends!!

See you [date]!

[Your
name]
[your cell #]

A few song ideas:

Jingle Bells
Frosty The Snowman
Deck The Halls
O Come, All Ye Faithful
Joy To The World
The First Noel
We Wish You A Merry Christmas
Away In A Manger
Silent Night

Celebrate a new season with bulbs

2011-11-09T13:42:00.003-05:00

Bulbs can be used as a symbol to represent a new season – whether the new season is happy or sad, by the time the bulbs bloom in the spring, the flowers will be a wonderful reminder that friends care. Here are a few reasons to plan a bulb planting celebration:

To honor a friend who has recently passed away

To celebrate the beginning of a friend being cancer free

To celebrate the birth or adoption of a baby

To celebrate a friend's new home

Bulbs can be planted in your friend's yard, or at a location that is near and dear to your friend's heart. Perhaps a pet rescue facility, a daycare center, a Habitat for Humanity home, a campsite or other place would enjoy some spring flowers. Plan an event and make it a special celebration for your friend.

Be sure to get permission – from your friend or the person in charge of the facility you choose

Ask friends to bring bulbs – either their choice, or if you want to make a particular design, you can indicate what kind of bulbs people should bring

Ask friends to bring their own trowel

Provide some light snacks – such as lemonade & cookies

Begin the event with friends gathering in a circle to represent the unity of the group. Say a few (very brief!) words about why you are planting the bulbs. Don't be afraid of mentioning a deceased person – the acknowledgement will mean a lot to the family.

Take some pictures of the activity and post them on your WhatFriendsDo.com team page!

Be sure to take more pictures when the bulbs bloom!

If your friend is not able to attend the event, have a card available for everyone to sign, and send it to your friend with a nice note acknowledging why the activity was planned.

Reverse Trick-or-Treat

2011-10-31T09:05:00.000-04:00

Happy Halloween! While many are preparing for an evening of fright and delight, someone facing one of life's challenges might be dreading a night in.

If you know someone who is homebound this evening, why not make the night special for them too? Do a little reverse trick or treating and drop a treat at your friend's house; while out on your trick-or-treating adventures, stop by your friend's home and provide some fun treats for your friend. You do not have to do anything extravagant, a candy bar or pack of gum works well.

This can also be done at nursing homes and extended care facilities. Families with new babies might also appreciate having a few small surprises for older siblings who might not be able to enjoy the evening's adventures due to a new family member.

Be creative, do something fun, and let us know how it goes!

Reluctant Entertainer

2011-04-08T14:22:00.005-04:00

Some nights you’ll find me in the kitchen doubling up a dish. This is because I’m either freezing one for my family, or I’m getting ready to take a meal to a family in need.

Hospitality covers the whole range of life experiences and emotions.

For me, some of these life experiences and feelings have come in challenging times, like when I had my children (who are now teens), when my husband and I lost three parents within a five year period, and when I had several surgeries.

Friends rallied together and gave me one of the most thoughtful gifts: They brought my family a meal. They fed our bodies and nourished our souls with their generous love for us.

Taking a meal to others in need happens often in churches, but it’s not just church people who we should look out for. Our world is full of need.

A basic checklist for bringing a meal to a family
Here are some simple tips for blessing another family during hard times with a meal:

• Make sure the family knows when you will be arriving.
• Keep the meal simple, whether it’s one entree or a full course.
• If possible, use disposable dishes so the recipient doesn’t have to worry about washing pans and plates and getting them back to you.
• Don’t plan to stay and visit unless you are invited in.

Helping for an extended period of time
If you know a family is going to need help for an extended period of time, setting up a meal schedule can be a huge blessing. Some simple steps include:

• Ask the family if they’d like to receive meals, and then ask for names of some of their close friends, neighbors, or family members.

• Ask when the family would like the first meal, and for how long the meals should continue (I usually only commit to two weeks). Let them know to expect a meal every other day, and decide with them when it should be delivered.

• Set up a calendar with the schedule. (Like the WhatFriendsDo.com Team Help Schedule!)

• When you contact friends, neighbors, and family members, you don’t have to know what they plan to contribute. Let them decide the menu in their own time. If using WhatFriendsDo.com, they can fill-in the menu item so others don't duplicate.

Once the schedule is set, my mission is accomplished! The family is on their way to being blessed.

This is what I call having a hospitable spirit — seeing a need and jumping in to help ease the pain of others. Who’d ever guess we could bless other bodies and souls in such a simple, yet meaningful way?

If I hadn’t been the recipient of this beautiful act of love years ago, I would have never understood how nourishing it is — to the body and the soul. And who knows the lives you’ll touch in the process.

How do you look for needs around you? Have you been touched by being the recipient of a meal when you really needed it?

Sandy Coughlin is a wife and mom of three teenagers, and is the voice behind Reluctant Entertainer, a hospitality blog dedicated to helping people in search of a lifestyle that says, “I can do this!”. Her book, The Reluctant Entertainer, is available now online and in bookstores. Her Balcony Girls E-Book is also available on her site.

A Sunny Day in February

2011-03-21T13:42:00.003-04:00

I wrote the following post about a month ago, unsure if Spring would ever arrive. Looks like it's finally here.

This winter has been cold and snowy. In the Midwest, this is not uncommon. But this winter seems to have had more cold and more snow than usual. Many cities around the country are breaking records for largest annual snow fall accumulation. The ice and snow, and more ice, kept my kids out of school for four days, an unheard of number for their large metropolitan school district. Trying to dig out of the ice was next to impossible. I broke the garden spade while uncovering a six-inch-by-six-inch patch of sidewalk. My young son broke multiple garden tools while trying to hack away at the frozen tundra. And my hard-core, bike-everyday-even-in-the-winter husband broke the hoe and left multiple gash wounds on the wooden deck while trying to make a safe path to enter our home. It was literally weeks before the temperatures rose high enough for the inches of ice to thin enough to begin to melt. We, the collective “we” meaning ME, are usually very prompt at snow removal which was not the case with this ice storm.

Sometimes the weather is just too strong and there is nothing anyone can do except wait for the weather cycle to run its course.
After weeks of ice and cold, the arctic air stayed farther north and some “tropical Gulf air” came our way. Cheers and praise for 40 degrees! Black mountains piled in the middle of box store parking lots are slowly turning into hills and then pools. Pothole-ridden obstacle courses are challenging drivers. Track through every doorway where slush and water create slipping hazards for all who enter. All of these things are forgotten when I walk outside and feel the warm bright sunshine on my cheeks.
Driving down the street with sunglasses on and heated seat off, I notice the sidewalks again. I see the brown yards waiting to turn green. I see trees waiting for buds of leaves. Mother Nature has not forgotten us. Spring will come. I will see tulips and daffodils soon. Fresh air will flow through open windows in my now pseudo-air-tight old home. Bulky sweaters and turtle necks will move to the back of the closet to make way for t-shirts and skirts. Just one sunny day is all I needed to be reminded that the dark, cold, solitary days of winter will come to an end, and days filled with sunshine, warmth and friends will come again.

When someone is facing a crisis, his/her world often feels like the cold, long, dark winter months. Bad news often is piled on like snow storm, on top of ice storm, topped with a little more snow. There is often no way at all to shovel out, no matter how hard one tries. All the snow and ice removal methods they have previously used just don’t work, or break down. Thoughts that spring will come again and bleak harsh days will no longer be a norm are hard to fathom.

It does not seem fair that it often takes a hard time to appreciate the small things, but often seems as though that is the case. Maybe there is something you can do to be the sunshine for a friend today: a note, kind word or small token of your thoughts. I know there are still more cold and snowy days ahead, and those days will return next winter. But I remember spring and would not be able to appreciate those days as much without my iced- in winter.

The Art of Helping: #5 Saying “I know you are struggling”

2011-03-18T03:02:00.000-04:00

My friend Sandy and I have come perilously close to being kicked out of places that sell books and cards because we really enjoy ourselves, perhaps somewhat too warmly, amid words. We both love the excitement of the hunt: somewhere there is the Pulitzer of hilarious cards and one of us is going to find it.

It had been a long, long while since we had spent such raucous time together, and a long while since we had even talked on the phone. My days -- and nights -- were filled with Dad and there was no time for friends.

Then one dark caregiving day I got a card (of course) from her. On the front was a bit of a rainbow with a gift tag drawn on it; “For You” was on the tag. Inside was printed “I found this rainbow and thought you could use it.” Under that she had written “Thinking of you --” and her name. That’s all. But it made an enormous difference in my spirit because with that simple card she said “I know you are struggling.”

There’s a difference between saying “I know what you’re going through” and “I know you are struggling.” To the first I would say “No, you don’t!” and to the second, I would say “Thank you! You raise me up!” Sandy’s card raised me up.

That card came twelve years ago, and I still have it. It reminds me of Sandy’s artful helping: even though I was cut off from my friends, that card told me that she knew I was struggling, and I still remember the difference that made for me at the time.

-- Maureen O’Hern

About Maureen:
Recently repatriated to Indiana from California, I am a long-time single parent of two sons, a grandma, a retired educator, a rusty musician, a botanical artist, a gardener and a lover of all things herbal. As a former daughter and niece, I am working to finish a book about caregiving.

The Art of Helping #4: Leaving the one-way message

2011-03-17T04:58:00.001-04:00

I had an answering machine that would blink a red light when I had any messages, and that red light became increasingly wearing. I had neither time nor energy to talk on the phone; I also did not have ease of mind: I had to keep one ear on Dad. Yet people would leave the message “call me.” No matter how kindly meant, it added to my frustration because it was a way in which people said they had no clue what it was like to live with a dementia victim -- in other words, no clue what my life was like.

But sometimes someone would call and leave these words: “Just wanted you to know I’m thinking about you” or “I hope you’re OK.“ With those words the callers seemed to say that they did have a clue about my life: they knew I couldn’t talk so they didn’t ask me to call back, and their one-way messages were kindnesses to me.

I don’t know about all caregivers, but I do know a little about caregivers for dementia victims: those caregivers are always on alert in ways that others do not see or imagine, and so for those caregivers phone calls can increase stress by diverting attention from the cared-for. “Call me” messages can be discouraging to the caregiver when dementia is involved. Perhaps that is true in other kinds of caregiving also, when the caregiver must be attuned to the cared-for at all times.

The one-way message is an artful way to help: a great understanding is expressed in it.

--Maureen O'Hern

About Maureen:

Recently repatriated to Indiana from California, I am a long-time single parent of two sons, a grandma, a retired educator, a rusty musician, a botanical artist, a gardener and a lover of all things herbal. As a former daughter and niece, I am working to finish a book about caregiving.

Each day this week we will feature a new heartwarming and inspirational story:

#1 Being Present

#2 Discerning want and need

#3 Giving permission to vent

#4 Leaving the one-way message

#5 Saying “I know you are struggling”

The Art of Helping: #3 Giving permission to vent

2011-03-16T05:18:00.002-04:00

Dorothy was the only one of my friends with caregiving experience, which happened to overlap mine. She understood the exhaustion, the anger, the bewilderment, the isolation, the tedium when no one else did. She knew that I could feel all that and still love my father. She let me say what I needed to say in order to keep going, and I hope I did the same for her. I had just got my first computer and the emails flew between us. Our mutual need to vent found the perfect medium in emails; in them we ranted and raved, whined and wailed, not at the cared-for but at caregiving.

She never told me that this too shall pass, or every cloud has a silver lining. She never told me to keep that stupid stiff upper lip, nor did she sing “Tomorrow” to me.

She never told me it wasn’t that bad; she agreed that it was indeed that bad. It was that bad for her too. She let my feelings stand without trying to talk me out of them.

If the caregiver or cared-for wants to lob verbal raw eggs at the wall of frustration, the artful helper tells him/her to lob away. Let the egg drool harden and the eggshells crackle underfoot. The important thing is that feelings, not the caregivers or cared-fors, crash against that wall. The artful helper stands by with more eggs.

--Maureen O'Hern

Check back tomorrow for The Art of Helping #4: Leaving the one-way message

The Art of Helping: #2 Discerning want and need

2011-03-15T05:17:00.001-04:00

Wanting help and needing help can be two different things.

My friend Mary Jo understood this. Take the matter of corn chips and chocolate-covered raisins (if you can). To my horror, I ran out of both during Dad’s last days and there was no chance I could get to the store.

Mary Jo got them for me; she brought me corn chips and chocolate-covered raisins and did not tell me I should eat better, did not substitute raw carrots and yogurt, did not try to tell me that I needed to eat better. She went with what I wanted.

Helping is an art when it responds to want and need. Sometimes we think we know what people need but we don’t think about what they want, so asking the simple question “What do you want?” is a kindness. If the answer is something disgusting like “corn chips and chocolate-covered raisins,” try to go with it. Nobody said helping would be easy.

--Maureen O'Hern

The Art of Helping: #1 Being Present

2011-03-14T13:30:00.002-04:00

Toward the end of his life, when the dementia was playing out dramatically, Dad was hospitalized for cardiac problems. Like many caregivers, I spent long days at the hospital. The head nurse was named Jean, and she was one of the inspired ones. At least once during her busy shift every day, Jean would come in to Dad’s room and stand by the chair where I was sitting much the way a wet rag sits, and she just stood there. She said nothing; she did nothing. She simply stood next to me, watching Dad with me, for a few minutes. It was strengthening, calming, affirming. Without speaking a single word, she told me I was not invisible, that I was not disposable, that I was not insignificant.

Sometimes presence is everything. Talk is not necessary. Acknowledgment is. A silent presence can be the most eloquent acknowledgment of the exhaustion of the caregiver by requiring nothing of her. Not even words.

--Maureen O'Hern

Check back tomorrow for The Art of Helping #2: Discerning Want and Need

The Art of Helping: Introduction

2011-03-14T13:20:00.000-04:00

My father suffered from vascular dementia, an incremental brain deterioration caused by years of faulty circulation. I took care of him for the last three years of his life, as his dementia progressed from moderate to life-changing. For the most part, people were not much help, and that’s the truth of it. But there were instances of inspired, compassionate help that, even now, long after Dad’s death, I am still grateful for.

The following thoughts on the Art of Helping are derived from people of intuition, understanding and insight, all essential gifts for any artistic expression.

-- Maureen O’Hern

About Maureen:

Recently repatriated to Indiana from California, I am a long-time single parent of two sons, a grandma, a retired educator, a rusty musician, a botanical artist, a gardener and a lover of all things herbal. As a former daughter and niece, I am working to finish a book about caregiving.

Each day this week we will feature a new heartwarming and inspirational story:
#1 Being Present
#2 Discerning want and need
#3 Giving permission to vent
#4 Leaving the one-way message
#5 Saying “I know you are struggling”

It's been a while...

2011-02-08T13:52:00.006-05:00

Let’s say your friend was diagnosed with cancer a year ago. Everyone was very concerned and eager to help for months. You checked in regularly, or at least sometimes. You asked how things were going and thought about that friend all the time...for a while. Now some time has passed. Cancer is kind of a regular thing for your friend now. He or she goes to chemo, then heads home and maybe back to work and on with daily routines.

The thing is, your friend is still dealing with the cancer and still thinks about it every day. Even though you might have let it slip from the forefront of your thoughts, you likely feel a little embarrassed when you catch yourself talking about other things with your friend, acting like everything in the world is just fine.

So what should you do? You should contact your friend and let him/her know you are still thinking about the cancer. Not everyone can call a friend up and say “hey, sorry I’ve been busy and haven’t paid attention lately, but I wanted you to know I;m still thinking about you.” So if you’re not that kind of person, here are a few hints and tips...and encouragement for you to reach out.

Do something special, out of the blue that says “I still remember and care and am still here for you” even if you’ve maybe not been good about showing it lately.
Send a card/note. It doesn’t have to be purchased at the store; a piece of paper from home is fine.
Send a gift card for gas or to a favorite restaurant, with a note mentioning a time the two of you bought gas for 43-cents a gallon, or a special memory you have of the two of you at the restaurant.
Bake a pie, cake or cookies and deliver the goodies with some tea bags to provide a cozy afternoon snack.
Send flowers. Who gets flowers on a random day out of the blue? What a treat!

Check What Friends Do for Cheer: there are daily ideas of fun ways to get in touch and stay in touch. Look through the upcoming monthly suggestions to see if there’s a day that will mean something to your friend, then reach out on that day.

If your friend has a whatfriendsdo.com team page, post a message on the guestbook. Even if the team page hasn’t been active in a while, there’s a good chance your friend is going to check back every once in a while just to see if there’s been any activity. The big smile that will appear on your friend’s face when your new message is read will be worth it!

However you decide is best to get back in touch with your friend, make sure you do it! Everyone needs a little encouraging to step back in, so here’s your push. If you still need more encouragement, send me a message and I’ll start nagging you!

Being a Coordinator...

2011-01-28T14:43:00.002-05:00

I was recently in a position where I created a WhatFriendsDo.com team for a friend. While I am not extremely close to this friend, I have known her for years and know all of her family. As a co-founder of WhatFriendsDo.com, I am also pretty familiar with the site; I seemed like the best fit to get the team started.

I really didn’t know much about the situation, details of how events unfolded, current status or prognosis. I didn’t know what kind of food they wanted, or when they wanted it delivered. I really felt in the dark...but I also really wanted to help.

So I set up the team webpage. I figured getting the page set up and allowing friends to start sending wishes via the guest book was a good start. I sent the team page link via email to four or five mutual friends who were able to distribute the link to all the circles in the family’s life (school, neighbors, church, swim team, kids friends). Within hours hundreds of friends all over the country were able to have one location to send messages and check in.

Since the page was already set up, a family member was then able to go in (as an additional coordinator) and update the blog regularly, keeping everyone informed and alleviating the burden of retelling the story countless times. Within a day I was able to get information about meals and post that on the help schedule. Friends from all circles were able to sign up to help.

I posted some reminders and suggestions on the blog, but really, I didn’t do that much. Being the coordinator didn’t take that much time or effort, but having the page set up and taking the initiative to get it done was a huge relief for my friend and her family. I was so glad to do SOMETHING! After all, it’s what friends do.

Hang a Weath Day

2010-12-08T07:00:00.000-05:00

Are you getting in the winter holiday spirit yet? Something which always puts me in the holiday mood is putting up some festive decorations. Maybe your friend hasn’t had a chance to put up decorations yet, or maybe they just don’t have the energy to deal with the headaches which sometimes come along with making everything ready for the holidays (I’m thinking tangled lights, which once plugged in only light up half way!)

Here’s where you and your friends come in...plan a Holiday Decorating Party. What better day to do that than Hang a Wreath Day! Set up a time and send out an email to all your friend’s friends. There are two ways to go about this:

Ask your friend where the decorations are stored, and what the typical decorating plan is other years. Follow your friend’s instructions, utilizing the energy and talents of all the elves who show up to help.

Ask everyone to bring decorations, lights, wreaths, ladders, ribbons, extension cords, hammers and nails! If it’s going to be chilly have someone else bring hot chocolate or other warm drinks to keep elves warm! Decorate the outside of the home, then sing a few carols to get the holiday season started!

If your friend is up for it, you can also offer to help decorate inside the home as well. Most importantly (even if you don’t put up the decorations) -- set a time for friends to swing by in January to take everything down!!

Letter Writing Day

2010-12-06T06:00:00.000-05:00

I’m usually the person who is super stressed about getting holiday cards done and finally get them ordered and in the mail around December 23. One year it was actually 11am on December 25 and I had not yet done anything for cards. I ended up sending an e-card to all our friends and loved ones. While the e-card was very well received, eco-friendly (and saved me from using some not so holiday-like words while trying to get my printer to work) there is something fun and exciting about going to the mailbox in December and seeing cards from friends.

I love to see the pictures of everyone and their kids. I re-read letters and poems multiple times throughout the holiday season and often pack away the cards with holiday decorations and get a fun surprise the following year. I also enjoy looking through my mom’s basket of cards, seeing the pictures and letters from family friends I’ve known since childhood.

So this year I vowed to not be stressed about cards and I had my cards ready and addressed before Thanksgiving! (I think the only people more surprised by this than I was, were my husband, mom and sister who still don’t believe it’s done!)

As I was sitting addressing my cards one Saturday morning, I read on the side of the box the story about Tiny Prints, from where I had ordered my cards. Their logo is an outline of an elephant and their story is this:
Why the Elephant? He’s big, yet gentile. He’s social and loves his family. He trumpets when happy. And most of all, he never forgets. The Tiny Prints elephant embodies our goal to transform life’s moments into lasting impressions. He reminds us to work tirelessly to get every last detail right. Because, you see, what we believe is this: the tiny things in life are actually the big things in disguise.

WOW, that’s so true! And, so similar to what we’re doing at WhatFriendsDo.com! So, after some connecting, I’m very excited to announce our new affiliation with Tiny Prints. I’m also super excited to share with you this super deal!

Don’t delay, get those holiday cards now! While you’re at it, why don’t you call your friend or their caregiver and ask if they need any help getting cards out this season?

In this day and age of facebook and email, consider sending a special card or note via snail mail to your friends and loved ones. While it might not seem like much, it’s the tiny things in life which are actually the big things in disguise.

Cookie Day---Cookie Drop!!

2010-12-02T00:37:00.000-05:00

Now and then, don’t you just want to organize that one special event that will fill your friend’s heart with joy, and be talked about for months, maybe even years? I think about a few of the things we did for Laura. Like the day she received over 50 envelopes in the mail, each one containing one or more lottery tickets. Or the day she received popcorn from all over the country. These events were so great because there was no limit to how many people could participate, no limit to how much money needed to be spent, no limit to how many miles away people were.

A Cookie Drop could be just the event to do for your friend this holiday season (although, if that’s not your thing, check this blog often because we have PLENTY of other ideas for you!) Here’s all you have to do:

Designate a day as “Cookie Drop Day”.

Send out an email to all of your friend’s friends.

Ask everyone to ‘drop’ a dozen cookies that day. The cookies can be homemade, store bought, even purchased online. Cookies can be dropped at your friend’s house, or to a ‘deserving’ organization in your friend’s honor. For those who ‘drop’ their cookies someplace other than at your friend’s house, ask to have a note sent to the friend’s house that day indicating where the cookies went.

It would be a good idea to also line up a few friends to “visit” your friend that day to help receive all those cookies.

The final step is to create a few tins (because the cookies will stay fresher in a tin) for your friend to keep, then deliver plates full of cookies to your friend’s favorite hospital workers (maybe the gal who folds the linens and delivers them to patient rooms, or the custodians who mop the floors, or the receptionist in the surgery center.)

We can't wait to hear about all the fun! Add a comment to our blog and let us know how your Cookie Day goes!

'Tis the Season

2010-12-01T14:27:00.000-05:00

This week we've just passed Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and Hannakah starts. 'Tis the Season, the season for sharing with others, thinking even more of others in need and those near to our hearts than we do the rest of the year.
So we've decided to use this blog space to give you plenty of ideas for how to celebrate the season with those who need it most. Check regularly or include us on your RSS feed, so you don’t miss out on any ideas of how to celebrate this season with your friends in need.

With shopping on your mind here are some ideas for making holiday shopping and gift giving easier for your friend:

Plan a shopping date
Set up a time to take your friend shopping. He/She will enjoy being able to get out and pick gifts for everyone on his/her list. Remember your friend’s energy level, don’t expect him/her to be able to trek all over the city to find everything! This is a time to focus on helping your friend crossing things off the list; don’t plan to do your own shopping at this time.

Take the kids!
Even the littlest elves like to help with shopping! Take the kiddos to get gifts for parents, siblings and other loved ones. Grab some wrapping paper while you’re out and help the children wrap their gifts before returning home. Don’t forget to remind the little ones about secrets and surprises!

A special gift for the Caregiver
Offer to relieve the caregiver to allow him/her time to go get shopping done!

Help make the list and then make the list happen!
Maybe your friend or their caregiver isn’t able to get out to shop, but they might appreciate if you are able to run some errands for them. Be specific when offering to help. Tell them you are going out to do holiday shopping and would love to have their list to help them out. Tell them the time and general locations you will be visiting to shop. As you shop, remember to ask for gift boxes and gift receipts. And don’t forget to help with stocking stuffers!

Wrap it up!
Plan a gift wrapping party. Bring gift wrap, scissors, tape and any extra boxes to wrap all the gifts for your friend.

With all the shopping hustle and bustle beginning, check some gift giving ideas from our friend, Daryn Kagan.

Check back soon to read about our next topic...COOKIES!

Thanksgiving Tablecloth

2010-11-18T14:35:00.004-05:00

One thing I enjoy about hosting a big meal is making the table festive and pretty. For special occasions I enjoy using our wedding china and nice serving pieces. I also pull out a tablecloth to add a little more warmth to the meal, not to mention help hold the crumbs and spills!

Whatever the circumstances are for your friend this Thanksgiving, the day and meal are likely to be different than how it has been previously. There are lots of ways to make the day special, but here’s one idea to help add a little extra special warmth to their holiday table.

Get a tablecloth, (a solid color is best) and a few fabric pens. Have friends write a special note to the family on the tablecloth which you then give to your friend to use while enjoying their Thanksgiving Day meals. Allow friends from far away to participate by emailing you their special message to share (you can write it down on the fabric).

Even if your friend is in the hospital or unable to sit up at a table to celebrate Thanksgiving, the tablecloth can still serve its purpose and be spread like a blanket over a bed or sofa.

Maybe tableclothes aren’t your thing? The same concept could be applied to individual placemats! Write each guests name, why he/she is special, why you are thankful for them.

Click here for more fun ideas!!

Science Fair is Over!

2010-11-14T20:59:00.002-05:00

Seriously, do some people really clean out their refrigerators routinely? I sure don’t. Sometimes it seems that I can’t find a certain plastic container, and I realize it is because most of them are in the refrigerator. Other times I finally open one of those containers in the refrigerator and realize I’ve been growing nasty things that are not to be eaten.

My daughter doesn’t have the same problem, because my favorite son-in-law loves leftovers and makes it a point to dig through to see what yummy things he can eat.

People going through a difficult time may be more like me, as far as not paying much attention to what’s in the refrigerator. They also may be getting more food brought in by friends than they can ever eat – but tossing leftovers just doesn’t seem right.

November 15 is Clean Your Refrigerator Day, but it might be better if it was called Clean Your Friend’s Refrigerator Day. Yeah, it seems like a rather personal thing to do, but your friend may welcome the help.

A good way to offer is to call and say “OH MY GOSH – I just cleaned my refrigerator and I won’t even tell you what all I found! I was thinking that you have so much going on right now that cleaning your refrigerator is probably the last thing on your mind, but I’m glad to come over and do it for (or with) you.” Offer to return food containers to the rightful owners. Take a shopping bag or two along with you, as you might want to take some dirty containers home to wash before returning them to the rightful owners.

While you’re at it, be sure to take along a fun treat to leave behind in the refrigerator – front and center so it doesn’t get missed. You could even put a bow on it with a simple note that says “Love you!” After all, it’s what friends do.

And the Winner’s Are...

2010-11-12T11:42:00.006-05:00

It’s Chicken Soup for the Soul Day! A few days ago we posted on Facebook asking you to submit some of your favorite chicken soup recipes. Thank you to everyone who shared!

Our three favorites are below, in no particular order:

White Chicken Chili
submitted by Meg

Ingredients:
Two large chicken breasts
One onion - diced
Two cans diced green chilies
Two or three cans great northern beans
Two boxes chicken broth
Cumin
Ground cayenne red pepper
Oregano
Shredded cheese (Mexican blend)
Avocado

In medium pot, poach chicken breasts. Shred and put aside
In large pot, warm some olive oil. Place diced onion in pot and cook until soft (about 5 minutes)
Add two cans diced chilies, mix together.
Add cumin and cayenne pepper to taste.
Add a few dashes of oregano
Slowly add chicken broth - stirring as you go
Add chicken and beans – let simmer for 30 – 40 minutes
Right before serving, add about ½ cup shredded cheese and stir until melted.

Pour into bowls and garnish with more cheese and avocado slices
Tastes great with cornbread!

Bob Evans Chicken & Noodles
submitted by Neana

Preparation: Find phone number for the closest Bob Evans
Allow drive time to pick up the carry-out order! Their chicken & noodles are great.

Chicken Tortilla Soup
submitted by Cara & John

2 cans black beans- undrained
3 cans (30 oz) Rotel
1 cup Salsa
1 can tomato sauce
2 large boneless skinless chicken breasts
1 can chopped green chiles

Cook for 4-6 hours.
Remove chicken breasts and shred. Return to soup.
Serve with shredded Cheddar Cheese and tortilla chips.

Let us know which your friend most enjoys!

Forget Me Not

2010-11-10T21:42:00.001-05:00

We easily remember the happy milestones: the birth of a baby, our first kiss, the move to the first house we purchase, a wedding anniversary. We send congratulatory cards, make phone calls and have parties to mark these special occasions. Celebrate the good times.

When someone is going through a crisis those milestone dates make just as much impact. But sadly, so often those milestones are remembered in silence. The greeting card stores don’t have a section of cards for remembering the day the cancer was diagnosed. Nor for letting a friend know you also remember the anniversary of a death. There probably are not cards that say “thinking of you on your deceased mom’s birthday.” Those cards are so needed though!

When a friend or their loved one is going through a hard time the little things are often even more special than ever. So take some time right now to show your friend that he or she is on your mind! Mark your calendar (right now!) for special days: Birthdays (both their birthday and the birthdays of loved ones), anniversaries (wedding, death of a loved one, diagnosis day, day of “the” accident)

Be sure to send a little note or email letting your friend know you are thinking of him or her and have not forgotten. Mention the progress you see since a milestone has occurred.

Plant flower bulbs in your friend’s yard to honor family members who have passed. When the flowers bloom in the spring there will be a bright reminder of the loved one.

However you choose to do it, let your friend know you also remember!

Recreating Memories Day

2010-11-09T15:19:00.010-05:00

House fires and natural disasters can happen to anyone. They happen everyday and in every city. Maybe you know someone who has been through this devastation and you know first hand the horror and destruction. Whether the fire consumed everything or the main problem was water or smoke damage, chances are your friend has lost a lot of personal belongings.
So what can you, the friend/neighbor/co-worker do to help? We have tons of ideas for you right here: But today is Recreating Memories Day and when everything your friend once had to remind them of previous memories is now gone, let’s rebuild!
Start by creating a WhatFriendsDo.com Team. Use the team to help your friend in the usual and useful ways. Be sure to add the PayPal function on Donations to help with the many out-of-pocket expenses your friend is encountering.
Contact everyone your friend has shared special moments with; extended family, neighbors, co-workers, friends from childhood, parents of childhood friends, college roommates. Also consider contacting previously attended schools and professional photography studios where your friend and their family has had pictures taken.
Ask everyone to gather all the photos they have of your friend and their family and scan them and send them to you. Ask for yearbook photos, photos from weddings, photos from birthday parties, trips taken together...any and all pictures of your friend.
There are great photo places online, which will allow you to download all the photos and in a few clicks create a fun photo book. You might also want to just have a few loose photos, not everything has to be in the photo book.
Also consider creating an online photo album where photos can be stored securely for your friend. Free online photo sharing and 50 FREE prints from your digital camera. Sign up with Snapfish by HP! 4"x6" Prints.
Videos are great too! Have friends upload videos to YouTube and create a special tribute. Or if the videos are slightly older and were taken before the digital age, the movies can be transferred to DVD for a great gift for your friend.
Don’t forget the music! Unless your friend is super sophisticated and has all their music stored on their ipod which was with them at the time of disaster, chances are much of their music collection is also gone. Have friends send their favorite songs and create a new digital library full of all the favorites from special times.
When sending an email requesting the gathering of photos and mementos, don’t forget to set a specific deadline for the return of these items. Give people a couple of weeks to gather their memories and send them to you. After you have collected all your friends old memories, throw a party for your friend to present the photos. Have videos running, too, while listening to some favorite tunes! What a great way to recreate old memories while creating new ones at the same time!

Make A List Day

2010-11-04T04:52:00.002-04:00

I'm a list maker. I get it naturally, my mom makes lists too. Growing up there were grocery lists, chore lists, lists for just about everything. We’re still list makers, and now even though we don’t live together we still share lists, but now share our lists electronically (I just created a shared list for the family to have one spot to update and edit Christmas wishes!)

I keep a personal “to-do” list in a notebook and each week I move the items which have not yet been completed to the upcoming week. One item which has been on this list for a couple of weeks now is “make soup for Meg.” Meg is a mom at my kids school going through chemo and I said a couple of weeks ago I would be happy to make some soup and drop it off. Well, I am embarrassed to say, it’s still on my list and I have yet to do it! You know how it is, I’ve been busy; kids soccer games, helping with a fundraiser at school, deadlines for work, training for an upcoming race. The list of reasons can go on and on. But for Meg, she’s fighting breast cancer. Her family still needs to eat dinner each night. I know her daily list of things to do and struggles are much harder than mine at the moment. Making a pot of soup is the least I can do to help.

So what am I going to do to make sure I get this pot of soup over to her? For me, having a specific date and time is good. It holds me accountable. Someone is expecting me and counting on my meal at a certain time. A specific time and place moves my item from the infamous “to-do” list to a time slot on my weekly calendar. The specific deadline ensures the item will be completed!

At WhatFriendsDo.com we repeat over and over “offer to do something specific” and the above story is one of the reasons why. Friends, neighbors and co-workers all have wonderful intentions and really, truly want to help, but often need direction and accountability. The WhatFriendsDo.com help schedule allows you to do exactly those things!

Using the Help Schedule allows the friends needs and wishes to be posted for well-intended friends and family to sign up for a specific task at a specific time. The act of having the item posted might be just the little nudge everyone needs to get the item checked off their “to do” list!

Fall Work Party

2010-11-02T14:57:00.002-04:00

Do you have a team of supporters that want to do something special for your friend but you’re not really sure what to do? Here are some ideas:Plan a “work party” for Sunday, November 7 It’s Fall Back Day! Go help get all the clocks in the house changed. It’s not a hard task generally, just sometimes a pain, especially for clocks in high or hard to reach places! Don’t forget the clock in the car and to check smoke detectors and change batteries while you’re at it. Changing the clocks is a great task for school-aged kids in the group, they really love to be included and are great helpers!
The 7th is also Window Washing Day. Designate a few people to bring window washing supplies and have some people start inside while others wash outside. This may seem silly and not necessary especially if your friend is facing a really huge crisis, but it’s not; clean windows let the sunshine in and we all know sunshine helps the mood and well-being. Also, what are the chances your friend is going to get those windows washed any other time? There are likely many other things which will be a priority before getting those windows clean. It will put a smile on everyone’s face to see outside clearly.
For those helper-friends who “don’t do windows” how about cleaning up the yard! Whether you live in a climate where the leaves are falling (or have already dropped) or an area where you don’t have to worry about leaves, the outside can probably use some cleaning up. Ask friends to bring a rake and some bags. Someone can bring a ladder and clean out gutters. Clear the sidewalks, clean out flower beds and gardens. Get the outside all spruced up.Even if now is not the best time to go in and change clocks and wash windows, outside clean up can be done when if your friend is up for company or not.
Enlist some team members to bring hot cider and snacks for the workers, and someone can bring along a casserole or pot of soup to leave for the family your are helping.

Oh, the paperwork!

2010-10-07T14:55:00.002-04:00

A few weekends ago I spent way too many hours hunting for an important document a relative needed. I knew I had it, and was quite distressed when I discovered it was not exactly where I thought it should be. I’m no neat freak, but my house is generally pretty tidy and I am typically a fairly organized person. But (true confession time) from time to time, when cleaning up for a party, I will put piles of papers into a bag, stick the bag in a closet, and go through it later. I’ve discovered (thank goodness!) this week that I am not the only one guilty of doing this.

After hunting through every place I could possibly imagine, I phoned the relative to say I could not find the paper. I was so disappointed in myself, and really sorry to let her down. Well, there must be a law similar to Murphy’s Law, because as soon as I hung up the phone I thought of one more place I could look. Bingo! I found what I had spent many hours hunting for. Back to my confession: what I was hunting for was in a bag that was tucked in the back of a closet.

I was quite excited to place another phone call to relay the good news.

The whole process of looking for that document was distressing. I knew I had it, but where was it? So often as I was searching I thought to myself “how awful this would be for people in crisis, or for people whose houses might be candidates for those reality shows about hoarding.

Needing paperwork when facing a medical procedure, or when dealing with an emergency, is enormous. It must happen all the time though; those people who have no time to spare and no energy to spend must dig through their stacks of papers, sift through drawers and cabinets, rummage through boxes of keepsakes.

I’m glad to say I have a lot of my paperwork in order, and after the rummaging weekend it is in even better order! Through the process I filled several bags of papers I no longer need and they’ve been shredded and recycled.

Take the time to get your papers organized, and if you have a friend who could use your help with medical paperwork, offer a few hours of your time. It's what friends do.

To Blog or Not to Blog?

2010-04-20T21:11:00.001-04:00

It’s a tough dilemma for some people and for others there is not even a need to think it through. A life changing event happens. Do you really want to keep an “online journal” about it? Such a personal decision!

With the great article in the LA Times on this topic, we thought we’d tune in with some thoughts.

For some, the answer is clear; they are so very private and think that their situation is nobody else’s business. Other people know that their friends and far-away family care about what is going on, and blogging sure beats 38 phone calls each time there is a new development. Plus, the old childhood game of “telephone” comes to mind: the story could get modified a little bit by each person who tells the story. Blogging puts one story in one place for all to see.

For people unsure of whether or not to blog about their life-changing situation, here are some things to think about:

There are no rights or wrongs: tell as little or as much as you want to tell. You can give as many or as few details as you choose.
The blog is the perfect place to say “for the moment, I need my privacy and am so grateful that all of you will respect that.”
The blog is the perfect place to say “things are really hard for me and my family right now and we can’t imagine how we’d be getting through this time without all of you. Thank you!”
Blogging can cut down or even eliminate on misinformation.
Blogging allows those people who are not in your inner circle to still be connected to you without feeling intrusive. After all, you’ve shared on the blog what you’ve wanted to share.
Blogging gives you a running journal. It is a place to go back to see just which day it was that you were experiencing something in particular.

We’d love your thoughts on this topic – please post comments!

Banana Bread Day

2010-02-23T10:33:00.004-05:00

At WhatFriendsDo.com we celebrate lots of "odd days" like Banana Bread Day. Oftentimes as I look ahead at the list of events I think, "gosh, why is anyone going to want to celebrate ____?" Banana Bread Day might be one of those days people aren't really sure they need or want to celebrate.

Banana Bread Day is a day that will allow me to do just what we're supposed to do with these crazy days: reach out to a friend who once reached out to me. Here's why:

When my son was 4 months old he was diagnosed with several serious food allergies. Eating out was hard, making meals at home was a challenge at first and enjoying a meal at a friend's home was always tricky. All of our friends were wonderful about making sure there were plenty of options that were "safe" for my son to eat, but one friend in particular always went out of her way to make sure there was something special. She had lots of fun recipes she would try. Many were for banana bread, which we often told my son was banana cake! Now whenever we need to make bread, muffins or banana cake we say "let's get Melissa's recipe" and we get started.

Today I will celebrate Banana Bread Day by reaching out to my friend Melissa to say "THANK YOU" for helping me and my family. I'm sure she'll say "of course, that's what friends do!"

Farewell to a Friend

2010-01-23T21:55:00.004-05:00

Today we bid farewell to an amazing lady, Vicki Lynn Brittain.

Aside from running WhatFriendsDo.om along with my daughter Aimee, I have a “day job” and Vicki was a friend through work. We worked at the same company, and traveled together sometimes for special meetings, but we didn’t really interact too much in our day to day jobs. I have always considered Vicki a friend, not just a co-worker.

Vicki and I often went to lunch together. She loved Subway; she always got tuna and it always (ALWAYS) amazed me all the stuff she put on that sandwich!! And as anyone who knew Vicki would know, she always got Mountain Dew to drink. She even knew which Subways to avoid because they didn’t have Mountain Dew. Many of our lunch hours also involved trips to the craft store. Vicki was deeply involved with her daughters’ Girl Scout troops and with Sunday School class, and she was always looking for craft supplies and ideas. I’m a ‘crafter’ too, so we enjoyed that bond.

When Vicki was diagnosed with rectal cancer, everyone was shocked and saddened. But Vicki’s attitude was contagious. She was determined to fight; she had daughters she wanted to watch grow up. Vicki prayed; we all prayed. Vicki went through grueling treatments, but they worked, and the cancer was defeated. In May 2008 when the diagnosis was given that the cancer had returned in other parts of her body Vicki fought with the same determination. She was amazing. Like everything else in her life, she gave with all she had. Her body was tiny, but she was mighty.

The tributes today at Vicki’s funeral were lovely. Best friend Lori spoke of Vicki’s involvement with church and so many community projects. The picture Lori painted was exactly the Vicki I knew. Cousin Jo ‘Bob’ spoke next, and her words were amazing. She, too, filled the room with words that portrayed Vicki to a T. I do not know the name of the man from Vicki’s church who spoke, but I loved his words about Vicki winning the race. Indeed, she won the race in spite of losing the battle with cancer. Her life was full – full of love, faith, giving, and caring for others.

So many of us lost a dear and special friend, and she will be missed. I will do my best to encourage friends to stay in touch with Vicki’s family. That’s what friends do.

We started the WhatFriendsDo.com website as a result of the way we coordinated support and provided cheer for our dear friend Laura Crawley as she battled brain cancer. Laura lost that battle, but was surrounded by loving friends and family throughout that entire journey. I’m glad the site was helpful in gathering Vicki’s family and friends - from around the country, from other companies and communities, in all walks of Vicki’s life.

My prayer now is that Vicki’s beautiful daughters will always remember the love their mom had for them. I hope that someday soon they can erase the memories of the past year of mom being so sick, and fill their memories of the days when they had an active, smiling, laughing mom. Because of all the amazing things Vicki did in her life, being a mom was the dearest to her heart.

The following poem was written by a dear friend. The poem was written and given to Vicki just a few days before she died.

Vicki

In a world of constant motion
Where it is easy to get caught in the zone
Passing through without a thought of anything beyond our own

In this world of day and night where time is so fleeting
It takes a ray to shine upon the dusk
To open our hearts
To open our eyes

Rarely do we take the time to stop
To pause...
To think beyond our self

Occassionally an individual can carry such a ray
Of hope
Of light
To help us on our way

If we are blessed to cross our path with such a special soul
No one walks away the same
The heart is forever open
The mind is clear, the mission is sealed

To touch a life of someone you love is expected
To give a smile to a stranger is rare
To carry the burdens of others is uncommon
For you it was courageous to care

I found the secret with your gifts
Of giving with a smile
With you I learned the meaning of example

For in this world of constant motion
You gave me the pause...
You gave me the thought...
You give me the inspiration.

The greatest gift of all

Facebook Friends

2010-01-20T21:50:00.002-05:00

Friday night I went to Lowes and got a nifty little stand to put my new printer on; my new computer would be delivered the next day. Before assembling the stand I had to check my email, and of course make my Scrabble plays on Facebook. I had a new "friend request" on Facebook from someone from way-back-when! I smiled and clicked on 'confirm.'

I could have just looked at her wall, checked out her photos, and then gone right back to Scrabble (which I have to admit, I have done too often with 'friend requests'.) But I didn't stop there. I knew I had some old photos that would be of interest to my 'new friend' so I sent a message with a link to a photo album. I expected the typical pleasant "thanks - nice to be in touch again" - and that would be it.

My 'new friend' replied rather quickly. One of the photos had very special meaning to her, and was a true gift. Who knew? We proceeded to spend many hours over the weekend exchanging messages and we've now started a great new friendship as adults that stemmed from common bonds when we were children.

We've both had a very busy week, so our next run of email exchanges will have to wait until the weekend. I'll have news to share regarding my week and more stuff from the past to fill in. Soon I'll find more of those old pictures to send, too. It's what friends do!

Meanwhile, my new printer still is not hooked up. I'll make that connection soon.

laundry, laundry go away

2009-09-25T11:27:00.001-04:00

Laundry is such a HUGE thing. Should be a simple task, but in my house it never is. Getting laundry done can make or break our house; having all the laundry done (clean and put away) makes daily life run smoothly, or at least smoother. There's no fighting about wanting to wear something that's dirty. No time wasted looking for items, only to finally find them in the dirty clothes basket under some dirty socks. Clean laundry makes me feel better when I walk into a bedroom and don't see dirty clothes all over the floor. This "should be simple" life task can become daunting if I let it slide for too long. And I'm not going through any particular hardship (other than raising two small kids, trying to work and being married to a medical resident.) Think about how hard little things like laundry are for someone going through a rough time. Trying to tackle laundry may be more than can be handled for someone with a new baby, or when a loved one is critically ill or has just passed away. So what can you as a friend do about this? Well, laundry is one of those semi-personal things, so you might feel uncomfortable handling the unmentionables, but there's plenty of other laundry that needs to be done. Offer to wash and change the sheets on the beds. Wash and fold all the dish and bath towels. Offer to take a few loads to the Laundromat. When my husband and I moved back to the mainland from Hawaii, my mom and her friend took 26 loads of laundry to the Laundromat for us! We had all of our cold weather clothes as well as most of our linens in storage while we were gone and also had to wash all the clothes we had shipped back. Needless to say that amount of laundry was extremely overwhelming and if my Mom and Cheryl hadn't helped I might never have climbed out of the laundry piles. So on this No More Dirty Laundry Day, see what you can do to help your friend climb around the laundry piles, and let your friend enjoy the snuggly fresh laundry.

Cream Filled Donut day

2009-09-14T13:52:00.000-04:00

First of all..YUMMM! What could be better than a fabulous cream filled donut? Usually best covered in powered sugar that will give you a nice ring around your mouth and then leave little spots on your clothes for your friends to point out throughout the day. Well, let me tell you what's better than a cream filled donut: eating that cream filled donut with your friend! Being with a friend who points out the sugar that has dropped onto your pants, and then passes you a napkin to wipe off the extra cream that is on your check where you cannot see it. I used to have a tendency (mostly when I was pregnant, but on numerous other occasions as well) to stop by the donut store on the way to work. I would rarely be able to wait the four minutes it took to get to my office after I left the drive thru, so I would start eating at the stop light. I always managed to drop something onto my work clothes, but usually thought I got everything cleaned up before I went into the office. Of course this was rarely the case and a trusty co-workers would make a little motion toward the corner of my mouth or a brushing motion on my leg. After awhile there would be the "oh, I see it was another donut day" or "why didn't you call and ask what kind I wanted you to bring for me?" It began to be a joke. When I was pregnant and my stomach grew, and the stops in the morning at the donut store were more frequent, the jokes were doled out and talk of the baby and life in general was a regular occurrence among my co-workers and myself. It's how friendships form and are sustained sometimes - over little things like cream filled donuts. So whether your thing with your friend is cream filled donuts or coffee, sports or jokes, make a point to reach out in a hard time and bring along whatever it is that helps you connect!

Mother's Day

2009-05-04T22:58:00.001-04:00

When we remember that Mother’s Day is coming soon, we typically think of our own mothers, or of being mothers ourselves. But this year, turn the wheels a bit. Think about a friend going through a rough time. Can he/she take care of necessary prep to honor his/her mother? Or do your friend’s children need some help fussing over their mom?

Give your friend with small children a call and ask to have a playdate. Bring the children to your house and let them decorate cards for Mom. Stickers, fancy scissors, glue sticks, some construction paper, a hole punch and some ribbon will keep little ones entertained for quite awhile, and you’ll love seeing their creativity! Help them trace their hands, or if you really are adventurous, allow them to dip their hands in fingerpaints to make pictures for Mom.

You will be giving your friend incredible gifts. One – the gift of a free afternoon – time that can be spent making phone calls the children do not need to overhear. Or time spent taking a carefree nap! Or perhaps time to run errands alone – what a gift to a mom with little ones. The gifts from the children will be cherished forever, and your part will be appreciated so much!

If your friend is a single dad, remind him to do something with his children to acknowledge their mom this Mother’s Day. Sometimes the tensions between divorced parents can be difficult, so do your part to bridge a gap for the sake of the kids. Nobody needs to submit nominations for a Mother of the Year Award – just allow children to glow from their own hearts. Everyone will benefit!

Perhaps your friend’s mother has passed away. Mother’s Day can be especially difficult, particularly the first few Mother’s Days without Mom. Send a note, an email, or make a phone call letting your friend know you are thinking of him/her, and mention something specific about his/her mom.

Today's Quote: The best advice from my mother was a reminder to tell my children every day: "Remember you are loved." --Evelyn McCormick

The Butterfly

2009-04-09T09:54:00.004-04:00

When we were in the development stages of WhatFriendsDo.com we spent quite a bit of time creating a logo. We knew we wanted something to visually represent how our website would help people on their journeys. Several artists gave us suggestions. We spent countless hours looking through images and racking our brains. Meanwhile, an acquaintance mentioned that she had a friend, Cheryl, who was a wonderful graphic artist. We made a connection. She loved the concept of WhatFriendsDo.com, and offered to work on some images.

Cheryl sent me an email saying that she tried several ideas but kept going back to a butterfly. After all, the butterfly is a symbol of transformation or change, love and joy. I immediately loved the idea – because WhatFriendsDo.com is all about transformation, love and joy.

A few days later, on Christmas Eve, Stephanie as I were having dinner she was telling me of the gifts she’d received from her co-workers. She said she’d received a calendar of butterflies. This piqued my attention, since the new butterfly logo was on my mind, but I’d not yet had a chance to share it with Stephanie. I said I didn’t realize she was “into” butterflies. She then told me that during the days following Laura’s death, butterflies kept appearing all around, and she felt they represented Laura’s transformation. I then told her about the logo idea, and of course we agreed it was perfect.

If you’ve not read the story about how WhatFriendsDo.com got started, Laura was Stephanie’s best friend since age 5. Laura battled brain cancer, and the love and cheer showered on her by all of her friends led to the creation of the website.

Butterflies represent joy. Change. Glorious change. And helping someone through that change is what friends do.

Peace.

Be Kind to a Grouch?

2009-02-10T21:07:00.003-05:00

Smiling at a stranger can be easy.
Holding the door for someone carrying things comes naturally to most of us.
Saying thank you to a salesclerk when our transaction is completed should be automatic.
Doing favors for friendly co-workers makes us happy.
Helping our friends going through a hard time is what friends do.

But being kind to a grouch - that's a tough one. Who wants to ask the grumpy guy in accounting if he'd like a cup of coffee? Who wants to shovel the sidewalk for the woman across the street who is always yelling at her disabled husband? Who wants to call to check in on the angry uncle who complains constantly?

I read a story today, one I've seen several times before, about a woman whose co-worker bullied and verbally abused her and everyone else in the office. She finally decided to confront him about his behavior. But what she said to him was not what most of us would expect. She told him she would try to be his friend and would only be kind to him, and then left his office. She then smiled when he approached, made a kind comment when he'd accomplished something, and even baked cookies for him. His abuse stopped. His demeanor changed. Then the woman was diagnosed with cancer, and her world crumbled. She feared her life was nearly over. After a difficult surgery, the man from work visited her in the hospital, and presented her with a gift. The gift was tulip bulbs. In spite of her depression, the co-worker encouraged her to plant the bulbs, as he was confident she would see them bloom in the spring. She has seen the bulbs bloom for 10 springs now, and her doctor has declared her cured. She attributes her change in attitude to the encouraging words of the grumpy man she befriended.

I wanted the story to explain what had made the man so bitter about life, but that piece was left to our imagination. I often wonder what a person has experienced to make them refuse to enjoy life.

Isn't it amazing how life works? The joys and gifts in our lives often come from people and places we least expect.

February 16 is Do a Grouch a Favor Day. Go for it! Next week after the trash collectors come, return the empty cans to their spot at the home of the cranky man on the corner. Drop off a cookie with a smiley face on it to the irritable woman who works down the hall. Send a card to someone in the nursing home who is bitter because nobody visits.

We all have bad days, and we sure don't want others to perceive US as the grouchy people! But sometimes that surely happens to all of us. We never know if a stranger just got bad news, has a family member struggling with cancer, or buried their spouse a month ago. Being a grouch often is the result of something, just as smiling is often the result of something. So spread some cheer, and remember that attitudes are contagious - make sure yours is worth catching!

Today's Quote:
Have you had a kindness shown?
Pass it on; Twas not given for thee alone,
Pass it on; Let it travel down the years, Let it wipe another's tears.
Pass it on.
-- Rev. Henry Burton

Raise the Percentage

2009-01-08T18:08:00.002-05:00

2009 has had a slightly bumpy start for our family. The flu bug that landed on my doorstep Christmas morning is still not completely gone. On January 2, Aimee, Claire and Elliott bid farewell to Brett as he headed to Eldoret, Kenya for a month-long medical rotation at Moi University. Naturally, since our family tends to live by Murphy’s Law, Claire has since come down with a bright red ear infection and the stomach flu. Stephanie, as usual, is working plenty of hours and is struggling with a sore shoulder.

We’re all doing ok … we are getting along. We’re helping one another out with errands and meals. By no means are we in a rough time, but things just are not going as smoothly as we’d like. Last night, in the cold, windy snowfall, as I left the third grocery store looking for the allergy-friendly bagels Elliott could eat, I thought how hard it must be for families going through really difficult times right now.

People going through cancer treatments still have family members who get the flu and ear infections. Families who have just buried a loved one run out of favorite foods at inconvenient times. Families who have someone hospitalized still need to keep all the daily routines going.

We’re a week past the annual day of resolutions, so we can skip that blog-ology. But let’s all do what we can to be better friends, starting today. It’s so easy to type out a quick email with an offer to drop off soup, as my friend Libby did when I was so sick last week. It’s so easy to run a few errands for someone else. It’s so easy to offer words of encouragement, and those words go such a long way.

We all have good intentions. Believe me, I wish I acted upon 10% of my good intentions. I’m going to try to do better; I will try to raise that percentage. Because no matter how bad any day might be for me, all I have to do is look around and I can see so many others struggling with far more challenging issues than my own. And I’ve not yet heard of anyone who did an act of kindness who did not feel better afterward!

Today's Quote: Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. -- Oprah Winfrey

The Twelfth Day of Christmas

2009-01-05T01:39:00.002-05:00

Day 12:

As soon as we 'publicized' the 12 Days of Christmas idea to Laura's team, friend Janet claimed Day 12. She also signed up to take dinner to the family that day.

Janet's idea was clever. She delivered 12 drumsticks (from KFC) and several side dishes to make a perfect 12 drummers's drumming dinner!

Laura's mom was so impressed with the poultry days she'd feared.

The Twelve Days of Christmas were complete, and the purpose was completely well served. Laura enjoyed each day and looked forward to each day. AND ......... little did Laura know at the time, but we were were ready to keep up the celebrations!

The Eleventh Day of Christmas

2009-01-04T01:35:00.000-05:00

Day 11:

Friends Carolyn & Bruce are so creative, in addition to having great big hearts! They orchestrated (ha!) Day 11. They purchased 11 toy flutes and enlisted 11 of Laura's friends. The group assembled outside Laura's front door, and rang the doorbell. The greeting card that looked like the ones on the preceeding 10 days was handed over, and the 11 pipers piped!

Was it silly? Absolutely.
What it fun? Absolutely.
Did it "work"? Absolutely!

The Tenth Day of Christmas

2009-01-03T01:27:00.001-05:00

Day 10:

Ten Lords a Leaping. Ha. We were stumped here for a little bit .. but we played with the number 10. Friend Jane came up with the perfect idea. She knew that like most young ladies, Laura loved getting her toenails painted.

So that was it -- On the 10th day of Christmas Laura's team gave to her - 10 painted toenails - a gift certificate to her favorite salon for a pedicure.

The Ninth Day of Christmas

2009-01-02T01:23:00.000-05:00

Day 9:

Nine ladies dancing. If your group has some dancers, having a special performance of some sort would be very fun!

Laura's Team didn't have that kind of talent. :) Friends Carolyn and Bruce 'claimed' Day 9. They delivered their card attached to a fun gift bag filled with 9 Ladyfingers candy bars.

The Eighth Day of Christmas

2009-01-01T01:20:00.000-05:00

Day 8:

For Laura's Team, Day 8 was an easy one. Steak n Shake milk shakes were one of Laura's favorite treats. So Day 8 was celebrated with gift certificates for 8 milk shakes from Steak n Shake.

Those 8 maids a milking could easily be portrayed with ice cream, cartons of milk, a gift certificate for maid service (oh what a treat!).

The Seventh Day of Christmas

2008-12-31T01:13:00.001-05:00

Day 7:

Laura's mom's friend Susan asked if she could be responsible for Day 7. Seven swans a swimming.

Susan made a HUGE cookie - and iced it blue. On top of it she placed seven white swan cookies -- perfect!! Seven swans a swimming!!

I remember visiting Laura that day - I know it was that day because I got to enjoy one of the swan cookies. Laura told me she just loved the Twelve Days of Christmas and she didn't want it to end.

Naturally, my instinct was "well then it won't end." I had no idea what we'd do at the time, but the ideas started to come, and we found all kinds of great ways to celebrate special days for Laura and her family.

What evolved over the next few months eventually turned into WhatFriendsDo.com.

The Sixth Day of Christmas

2008-12-30T01:07:00.002-05:00

Day 6:

When we first did the Twelve Days of Christmas for Laura three years ago, her mom teased that she was getting a little nervous about the poultry days! We struggled with what to do for Day 6 - "six geese a-laying". We decided Devilled Eggs would be just fine - and on the card we put:

On the sixth day of Christmas Laura's team gave to me six deviled eggs (the geese made us do it!)

It worked.

Do you have other ideas that would be suitable for Day 6?

The Fifth Day of Christmas

2008-12-29T07:56:00.001-05:00

Day 5:
Try to be creative with 5 items that can correspond to five golden rings in the famous song.

Ideas:

five donut ring
five bagel rings

Make sure you're enlisting the help of other friends for the Twelve Days of Christmas gifts. This will help everyone get into the spirit of 'celebrating' special days - and your friend will totally enjoy it!

The Fourth Day of Christmas

2008-12-27T21:49:00.002-05:00

Day 4:
On the fourth day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo.com friends gave to me: four calling cards.

We have become so accustomed to cell phones that we often don't think about needing calling cards. But if your friend will have any time in the hospital in the coming weeks or months, calling cards will be very helpful.

The Third Day of Christmas

2008-12-27T09:44:00.001-05:00

Day 3:
Three French Breads
Three cornish hens

Three of something to make a fun treat for your friend today!

By now your friend is probably looking forward to all 12 days of Christmas!

The Second Day of Christmas

2008-12-26T01:34:00.000-05:00

Day 2:
Inside of Card: On the second day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo.com friends gave to me two turtles/doves.

The gift bag for today's surprise can contain two chocolate turtles and two chocolate Dove bars.

Share the joy of this fun holiday surprise -- send an email to all friends asking them to 'claim' a day to celebrate. Assure them that WhatFriendsDo.com has suggestions for how to 'celebrate' each day. Your friends will be creative and will come up with some of their own ideas, too!

The First Day of Christmas

2008-12-25T11:27:00.001-05:00

The first day of Christmas - December 25 - is typically filled with plenty of activity. The next few days, and the next few weeks, can be difficult for friends going through tough situations.

Celebrating the Twelve Days of Christmas can set the tone for an uplifting New Year. Here is a simple way to do it, and it will cost very little. It can involve many friends, and will add joy to all who participate.

Each day will need a gift card. Our suggestion is to create a common theme on the front of all the cards. We like "Sing It" ... as it ties in to the famous song involving twelve whimzical gifts.

Day 1:
On the inside of the card: On the first day of Christmas my WhatFriendsDo.com Friends gave to me sparkling juice from a pear tree.

Pear juice can be found at a grocery store, and particularly at a health food store. Cost is usually less than $5.

Leave the gift anonymously. :) What a fun surprise!

The Gift of Songs

2008-12-17T21:37:00.003-05:00

It is hard to believe it has been three years since Caroline called to ask if any of Laura’s friends might be interested in singing Christmas carols for her. Laura’s brain cancer was causing pain and nausea that prevented Laura from being able to sit up for very long, so she was unable to attend church, and she really missed the music. Being the wonderful sister she always was, Caroline wanted to do what she could to make Christmas special for her special sister, and she knew music would help.

An email was sent explaining the gift we would provide to our dear friend. Anyone interested could gather at the appointed place at 5pm. No need to RSVP; just show up.

Approximately 50 friends gathered, ranging in age from 6 months to 70+. We walked the two blocks to Laura’s mom’s house, sang our five carols, hugged Laura and wished her a Merry Christmas. It was a joyous time, and it certainly started the holidays the right way – doing something from our hearts that could make a difference.

Our gift of song cost no money. The coordination involved sending a few emails. Yet so many friends were able to collectively give something that will long be remembered by Laura’s family, and by each person who sang that day. Organize your friends and share the gift of song this week with someone who needs some extra cheer.

We didn’t know it at the time, but that was the seed that grew to become WhatFriendsDo.com. Our celebrations of the Twelve Days of Christmas that started a week later started to transform so many of us, and helped evolve the ideas for spreading special cheer for those going through life-changing events.

It gives us great joy to know that this holiday season thousands of people are being touched by sharing their time and cheer through suggestions on WhatFriendsDo.com. Life is a gift – share it!

Today’s Quote:

Life is a song – sing it.
Life is a game – play it.
Life is a challenge – meet it.
Life is a dream – realize it.
Life is a sacrifice – offer it.
Life is love – enjoy it.
– Sai Baba

Here come the holidays

2008-11-17T22:39:00.001-05:00

Many of us look forward to Thanksgiving with eagerness, ready to see family, entertain, and reminisce. We anticipate what food to fix, what outfit to wear, what decorations to display. We spend a great deal of energy just making plans. Then there’s the grocery shopping, house cleaning, cooking – and that’s before everyone arrives.

Now let’s think about the family of a person with cancer, or a family grieving, or a family with a loved one recovering from an accident. Making Thanksgiving plans may not even be on their minds right now. Fixing a meal could certainly seem overwhelming. Even the thought of accepting an invitation to eat with friends may be too much of a decision to make right now.

So plant a seed. Suggest an idea to your friend about how you can help make Thanksgiving special this year. Some friends will want to cling to old traditions, while others will prefer a totally new way of spending the day. Other people will prefer to ignore the day entirely.

There is no right or wrong way to spend Thanksgiving, or any other day, especially during a challenging time. We naturally want to do something to acknowledge all we have to be thankful for. And even people going through the most difficult times DO have things to be thankful for, but they just might not be able to focus on those gifts right now. Be accepting. If your friend chooses to spend the day alone, remind yourself to make a phone call mid-day just to tell your friend you are thinking of him/her. Extend a last-minute invitation to join your family. Or tell your friend you already have a plate of food ready, and suggest a time to drop it off.

Most importantly, be sure to let your friend know how thankful you are for the friendship you share.

Today’s Quote: Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. – Robert Louis Stevenson

Warm Bread

2008-11-05T22:17:00.000-05:00

Along with a really good salad I always order, my favorite reason to eat at O’Charley’s is for their warm rolls. YUM. A few weeks ago I was at Max & Erma’s with a friend and we asked if the waiter could get us some O’Charley’s rolls. The watier said YUM, too!!

I have to admit I love warm bread. I also admit to great disappointment when I reach for bread in a basket and it is cold.

The smell of fresh baking bread is good to even just imagine!! Putting a little dab of butter on a warm slice of bread and watching it melt as the knife spreads makes the smell of that warm bread even better. Warm bread makes us feel good!

So taking warm bread to someone who could use some comfort is a perfect thing to do. The warm bread can be your nudge for a visit you’ve been planning to make for awhile. When you just don’t know how to approach someone because their situation is really uncomfortable, something like warm bread makes it so easy to initiate the visit. You can bake it at your house or bake it at your friend’s to share the joy of the yummy smells.

Warm bread can also be a way to help healing by allowing your friend in need to be the gift giver! People who have been cared for, cooked for and catered to often wish there was a special way to thank their wonderful friends. Warm bread!! Offer to help a friend bake – or purchase – loaves of bread and make deliveries. That warm bread will melt hearts! Hey, it’s what friends do!

Make a Difference

2008-10-24T21:26:00.002-04:00

Each week the WhatFriendsDo.com staff participates – one or all of us – in numerous meetings. Some of these meetings only involve two of us, some involve medical professionals while other meetings involve community organizations.

Next week WhatFriendsDo.com is one of the sponsors for a fund-raising event that will benefit an incredible organization in Indianapolis called Second Helpings. As we’ve prepared for our part of the event, we’ve had several meetings.

Earlier this week five-year-old Claire asked her mommy if she could go to one of the WhatFriendsDo.com meetings. So last night Claire helped us prepare for next week’s fund-raiser. Much to our delight, she contributed several really good ideas! Much to her delight, we let her know how good her ideas were and she was able to see that her ideas are being implemented. She made a difference! I also believe that allowing her to participate and affirming her ideas also made a difference for Claire.

I can look back over the years and note some big things people did for me that made a difference. But I can look back and remember many, many, many little things so many people did that made a difference either to my life or to someone else’s. I expect if there was a game show that required contestants to give a quick answer to question “What did [friend’s name] do that made a difference to you?” the answers would be things like this:

Told me my sweater was pretty
Bought a cup of coffee for me
Mowed my yard when I was out of town
Sent a get well card to my mother
Shoveled my sidewalk when it snowed
Invited me to dinner
Left a nice message on my answering machine while I was at oncology clinic
Baked an angel food cake for my family
Invited my son to her house to play
Gave my husband two tickets to a football game

These are all simple things. Most cost no money and involve very little time or effort. But each one makes a difference.

Today is Make a Difference Day. Do what you can to celebrate it! Invite someone to a meeting, offer a compliment, do a random act of kindness or offer your help in some way.

Today’s Quote: Never underestimate what a simple gesture can do. It is the little things that you do that make a big difference in other people's lives. --Catherine Pulsifer

You Really Didn't Have To ...

2008-10-19T20:55:00.002-04:00

The WhatFriendsDo.com website celebrates special days each and every day – as a means of helping friends stay in touch – even in the most difficult times. Today our celebration is called “You Really Didn’t Have To Day”

We’ve all said it; we’ve all heard it. Someone has surgery or a move to a new home and a friend brings a meal. “You really didn’t have to do this.” Someone welcomes a new baby to their home, and a friend invites older siblings to a fun activity. “You really didn’t have to do that.” Someone loses a dear loved one and a friend appears the morning of the funeral to polish everyone’s shoes. “You really didn’t have to do that.”

Of course these comments are usually followed by the phrase “but I’m SO glad you did.” And the response to that is usually “it’s what friends do.” (That’s exactly how we picked the name of the website, too!)

It seems that during the initial time period of a life-changing event – such as the week following a death, a birth, a devastating diagnosis – offers for help abound. But as everyone goes back to their day-to-day routines, people sometimes assume their friend no longer needs help. Sometimes people feel ashamed because time has passed and they never offered help. That’s the perfect time to offer!! Because if your friend is on your mind, chances are your friend really could use a helping hand. Of course you’ll get the usual “You really didn’t have to do that … but I’m so glad you did.” And you’ll reply “It’s what friends do.”

Today's Quote: Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day. --Sally Koch

Words need to be shared

2008-10-15T20:26:00.004-04:00

Here is the text on the WhatFriendsDo.com “Special Days” page for October 16: Dictionary Day – gosh, words are hard to describe this day! OK, OK … if you are so verklempt after reading your friend’s blog entry, don’t just sit at your computer – post a reply, make a guestbook entry, mail a snail-mail card, or pick up the phone. Your friend is sharing – so share back!

I have to admit that when I saw an online post where someone used the word ‘verklempt’ to describe the WhatFriendsDo.com website, I had to consult the dictionary. It was a new word for me.
Verklempt: Overcome with emotion
You see, WhatFriendsDo.com is so much more than technology. Sure, the technology part of it is certainly there. Creating a custom ‘team’ instantly that includes the blog, guestbook, help schedule, photos, team list and donations page involves plenty of technology. The Help Schedule involves some complex technology. But fortunately, users don’t have to worry about any of that!! And none of that brings anyone to feeling verklempt.

The outpouring of love through words is what amazes us and moves us when we read the blog posts, comments, and guestbook entries about our friend’s journey. If you’re on a team you probably check regularly to see if there are new posts, new guestbook messages, new team members. Not only do all those messages keep our friend going; they also keep the team connected, and keep the team active – which keeps the friend verklempt.

So share your words! Send a note via snail mail. Post a guestbook message. Post a comment to a blog entry. Refer to something your friend has posted on the blog – affirm that you ARE reading – you ARE concerned – you ARE verkelmpt. If you’re at a loss for the right words, maybe one of the quotes on the WhatFriendsDo.com home page will express what you are feeling. Post it on the Guestbook.

Today’s Quote: A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. — Unknown

Celebrate a new season with bulbs

2008-10-07T15:22:00.010-04:00

Bulbs can be used as a symbol to represent a new season – whether the new season is happy or sad, by the time the bulbs bloom in the spring, the flowers will be a wonderful reminder that friends care. Here are a few reasons to plan a bulb planting celebration:

To honor a friend who has recently passed away

To celebrate the beginning of a friend being cancer free

To celebrate the birth or adoption of a baby

To celebrate a friend's new home

Be sure to get permission – from your friend or the person in charge of the facility you choose

Ask friends to bring bulbs – either their choice, or if you want to make a particular design, you can indicate what kind of bulbs people should bring

Ask friends to bring their own trowel

Provide some light snacks – such as lemonade & cookies

Begin the event with friends gathering in a circle to represent the unity of the group. Say a few (very brief!) words about why you are planting the bulbs. Don't be afraid of mentioning a deceased person – the acknowledgement will mean a lot to the family.

Take some pictures of the activity and post them on your WhatFriendsDo.com team page!

Be sure to take more pictures when the bulbs bloom!

If your friend is not able to attend the event, have a card available for everyone to sign, and send it to your friend with a nice note acknowledging why the activity was planned.

Tell A Friend

2008-10-03T06:22:00.001-04:00

Aimee and I spend a good bit of time – on a daily basis – spreading the word about WhatFriendsDo.com. We are passionate about making difficult journeys more bearable. Having been held up, pushed up, and pulled up by our friends during difficult times of our own lives, we know just how important it is for friends to stay close when the going gets awful.

Each day we see how many people are benefiting from the WhatFriendsDo.com experience, and we’re so eager to reach more people. We send emails to various organizations letting them know about the free WhatFriendsDo.com website to coordinate support and stay connected. We speak to groups (if you’d like to invite us, just send us an email… Fran or Aimee). We distribute brochures. We pass out cards. We’ll share some with you if you’d like!

As you probably know (we hope!) we ‘celebrate’ special days every day on WhatFriendsDo.com. Today happens to be Tell A Friend Day – and we’d sure appreciate you telling your friends / neighbors / co-workers / family about WhatFriendsDo.com.

Today’s Quote:
Tell me a fact and I'll learn.
Tell me a truth and I'll believe.
But tell me a story and it will live in my heart forever.

Curbstone Setter Day

2008-09-29T06:05:00.004-04:00

It is so easy to fuss over a pet. Animals are so accomplished at enjoying the attention, and even encouraging us to offer more! We also nurture animals in a very similar way to how we nurture our friends. We offer food and entertainment, we give cheerful compliments, and we express concern about comfort. Animals can’t get enough of our attention! Humans are reluctant to accept any.

So --- those pets are a great way to pamper – and help – your friend!!

Lavish the pet with treats.

Become a routine dog-walker, either replacing a friend who is unable to take his/her own pet for a walk, or accompanying your friend a couple of times a week.

Cats love food treats – find out what kind your friend’s kitty likes and keep some on had so you can deliver a can when you visit.

Offer to make a grooming or vet appointment, and do the drop-off / pick-up.

Today's Quote: You were the one who made things different, you were the one who took me in. You were the one thing I could count on, above all, you were my friend. --Tom Petty

Dirty Laundry

2008-09-27T05:39:00.001-04:00

Why is it that something so simple as putting clothes into a machine, waiting half an hour then transferring them to another machine, and then 40 minutes later removing them can bog us down so much? When my grandma did laundry, it was an all day ordeal. I remember her wringer washer, and how she hung all the clothes outside to dry. As little girls my sister and I thought it was great fun. I’m sure my grandma didn’t, but I have no recollection of her complaining. I always think of her when I hear people complain about doing laundry.

For a family with small children or active teens, and a serious crisis such as a family death, surgery of a parent, or diagnosis of cancer, keeping up with the laundry can be monumental. But laundry is also pretty personal. Few people seem comfortable allowing friends to take their dirty laundry home, wash it and bring it back.

Here’s one way to offer help with the dirty laundry task:

Stop by (after calling first!) to deliver warm muffins for breakfast.
While visiting over the pastries and a cup of coffee, offer to put a load of laundry in.
Suggest that you’ll do a load of jeans or towels – or something else that isn’t as private as undies.
When you hear that the washer has finished, transfer the clothes to the dryer, and offer to put in another load.

Doing this in your friend’s presence will help put him/her at ease with your help.

Doing the laundry at your friend’s house also relieves any concerns about detergent allergies, and about all the clothes making it back where they belong.

It sounds simple. It sounds petty … some might even question the point of addressing it in a blog. But it isn’t simple. It is one of the most difficult forms of help for a friend to accept. It is also one of the ways a family can most use the help!

If you have some creative ideas for helping your friend eliminate the dirty laundry during a challenging time of life, please click on COMMENTS and share your suggestion.

Today’s Quote: I can do no great things, only small things with great love. – Mother Theresa

Comfort Food

2008-09-19T06:49:00.003-04:00

Today is Butterscotch Pudding Day. I never crave butterscotch pudding, and quite honestly, it is not a food I ever want to splurge the calories for. However - it is one of the first foods that comes to mind for me when thinking of comfort foods if someone in my family is sick. That's because Aimee and her dad always wanted it whenever they were sick. We always kept a few boxes on hand, and if someone got a cold, the pudding was a must!

Several years ago after I had surgery a friend brought me a fabulous meal. Her husband told me it was what she always delivered to friends if she was 'taking a meal.' When she shared the recipe with me I was most impressed, because it was a ton of work!! I felt special.

Isn't that what comfort food is all about? Making our friend feel special. When we learn of a death in a friend's family one of the first instincts is to take food. When someone is hospitalized we offer to take food for the family. When friends move to a new house, we offer to feed them during the move. It IS what friends do! That's actually how we came up for the name of the WhatFriendsDo.com website.... so often we would hear people say "you didn't have to do that for me" .. and our response is always "it's what friends do."

Before we created the website, we had several friends going through serious, long illnesses. Like so many others, we wanted to help. But we didn't want to be intrusive. We didn't want to overload the families with food when others were also providing meals. We wanted to know how we could best help, and when! We've "been there" with spending long hours at the hospital only to go home to oodles of voice messages from concerned friends, but we were too exhausted to return the calls. The offers of "call me if you need anything" were always genuine, but asking was exhausting, and felt awkward. Gosh, we just needed comfort food! :)

WhatFriendsDo.com has all the tools for friends to stay close, keep informed, and provide the best comfort food! The team Help Schedule even allows your friend to specify just what it is they consider comfort food -- and what foods they really will only be saying they like to be polite - but they wish nobody would bring! :) Check it out!

Today's Quote: “Food is not about impressing people. It's about making them feel comfortable.”Ina Garten, The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook

Friendship! Step Right Up!

2008-09-16T06:37:00.002-04:00

On September 16 WhatFriendsDo.com ‘celebrates’ Step Family Day and National Women’s Friendship Day. I want to tie both of these days together through one family.

I am very blessed with amazing girlfriends. One of my longest friendships is with Libby. We met in a bowling league when we were 19. We’ve shared many fun times together over the years. We each had baby showers for the other, attended one another’s weddings, celebrated quite a few birthdays together. We craft-buddies and have gone on many fun ‘field trips’ to craft stores. Libby took me to my first ceramics class (more on where that led in another blog post another day!). Libby was also one of my very first email-pals – way back in the day (1994) when virtually nobody had even heard of email! It was our link while she lived in another state for a few years. Like most long-time friendships, along with the joys, we have also shared some difficult times. We’ve shed tears, vented stories of anger, and helped one another sort things out more times than either of us needs to count!

We helped each other get through some difficult times. I helped clean her basement after the movers packed the truck. Libby sat at my kitchen table and wrote out the checks for me to sign so my bills would get paid the day after my husband died. Libby’s driven me to doctor appointments. I waited in the waiting room with her husband while she was in the operating room. I drove her kids to the dentist while she recuperated. The list goes on and on. It’s what friends do.

I remember having lunch with Libby one day in the cafeteria where she worked. She told me about this guy she’d been seeing, and how it all started. Naturally, since Libby’s children were preschoolers, my concern was with how he treated her children (I knew he treated her well – the glow on her face said it all!).

Twenty-plus years later, I have so much admiration and respect for Libby’s husband Randy. He is quite an accomplished man, and many would list his business accomplishments, and those are more than commendable. But the saying “any man can be a father; it takes someone special to be a dad” is why I respect Randy. He has been a disciplinarian, a teacher, a great role model, an amazing provider, and has loved Libby’s children with all of his heart and more. To top all that off, both of his children – his by way of his marriage to them and their mom – recognize and appreciate all that he’s been to them.

So what does this have to do with providing support for a friend in need? Families going through a crisis, health challenge, move, addition of a new baby to the family need all the support they can get. Step families probably need more, especially if relationships are tense. Giving encouragement and providing extra help will serve as good examples to help families build their bond during rough times.

It seems quite fitting to me that my friend Randy is celebrating his birthday today – on Step Family Day. Randy doesn’t think of his family a step family – but today it seems worthwhile to me to mention it – because if it helps just one other family blend into perfect harmony, it will be worth these words!! Happy Birthday, Randy!

Today’s Quote: But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life; and thanks to a benevolent arrangement of things, the greater part of life is sunshine. – Thomas Jefferson

Positive Thinking Day: Honoring Kurt

2008-09-13T00:07:00.001-04:00

Today’s posting is dedicated to the family of Kurt Brattain. Kurt was a wonderful kid, with a great sense of humor and great faith. Unfortunately, depression became bigger than all of those things, and he took his own life on December 4, 2006

The awful tragedy of losing Kurt was, as would be expected, devastating to the Brattain family. But through their grief they turned their loss into a positive. Mom Lisa got involved with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. The Central Indiana Chapter of AFSP had its first meeting on February 5, 2008, and Lisa Brattain is the Chair of this Board of Directors in honor of Kurt.

Today Lisa and the rest of Kurt’s family will be joined by friends in Indianapolis’
2008 Out of the Darkness Community Walk to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Team Kurlte Power is raising funds and raising awareness.

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Do your part to reach out to a friend who is struggling emotionally….it’s what friends do…. And you never know when you may be the one to make a difference!

Today is Positive Thinking Day. Lisa Brattain certainly exemplifies what positive thinking can do!

Today’s Quote: When you are kind to someone in trouble, you hope they'll remember and be kind to someone else. And it'll become like wildfire. – Whoopi Goldberg

The Warmth of a Milk Shake

2008-09-11T22:36:00.001-04:00

Several years ago when my friend Pam had surgery I was on my way to visit her and she asked if I’d stop and get her a milk shake. Of course I would. Little did I know as I agreed that I’d have to drive an extra 30 minutes to get it from just the right place. But that was ok – because going out of our way is what friends do! She’s certainly gone well out of her way for me often enough.

Throughout Laura’s illness many of us took her milk shakes. They were one of her favorite cravings, and we were all glad to get some extra calories for her.

Knowing that something as simple as taking a friend a milk shake can make a difference, we promote things like Milk Shake Day on WhatFriendsDo.com. Trying to figure out what to do for a friend whose normal life has become filled with daily doctor/clinic visits and treatments can be difficult. The whole WhatFriendsDo.com concept of special cheer days was started as a pure means of keeping our friend Laura in good spirits, and keeping everyone in her life involved.

So take your friend a milk shake … and if there are other family members take shakes for them, too. You’ll be a hero, but you’ll feel like you are the one who received a special gift. What a deal!

Be a Sew-Sew Friend!

2008-09-08T22:50:00.001-04:00

On Saturday I made sit-upon for Elliott for pre-school. Friday night I took him, along with his sister Claire, to the fabric store and let him pick out whatever fabric he wanted. It was a tough choice for a 3-year-old – so many bright colors from which to choose. After searching through fabrics with balls, animals and fun designs, an ABC design was chosen, along with bright green – as green is Elliott’s favorite color. Claire also picked out some fun Strawberry Shortcake fabric for a blanket.

Elliott was so excited to see his sit-upon come together. He spread it out on the floor and tried it out and informed me that it was just right. I taught him how to fold it up, and today he will proudly take it to pre-school.

The project was so easy for me to do, and it brought joy to me as well as to Elliott. Isn’t it amazing that it is usually the small, simple, easy things we do that give us joy and spread cheer to others?

When we’re trying to think of how we can help a friend going through a crisis, we typically think first of food. But helpful tasks like mending clothing or sewing buttons back on can provide a great deal of relief. Sewing a doll dress for a little girl can bring a great deal of joy. Making a comfy blanket for a friend going through chemotherapy for cancer is a great gift, and will be welcomed for those long visits in the clinic.

September 10 is Sewing Machine Day, but any day is a good day to offer your services with needle and thread. And even if you don’t sew, you can take things to the alterations shop, pay for the repairs, and deliver the items back to your friend. You can even include some comfort food with the delivery.

Today’s Quote: Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day. --Sally Koch

The Joy of Music

2008-09-04T06:27:00.001-04:00

Last weekend a large group of us went to an outdoor Beatles tribute band concert. It was great fun. Now, days later after a hectic week going full-speed each day, I think back to that evening and I’m reminded how great it was to purely enjoy the music and friends and put everything else out of my mind.

The same thing happens during handbell rehearsals – I don’t think about anything else (maybe because it takes all my concentration to get the notes? Ha!). Music has always been that way for me, though – it has always been a bit of an escape. Music can be both relaxing or energizing.
Since the goal of WhatFriendsDo.com is to help change the journey for friends going through a challenge, we often give suggestions that involve music. Sending a CD to a friend with a note about a favorite song serves so many purposes; it gives your friend a diversion from whatever he/she is going through, it is a reminder of your shared friendship.

Today is Music to My Ears Day. I think it’s a perfect day to make sure music is spread among friends – what a perfect gift!

Today’s Quote: A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.
— Unknown

The Sound of Your Voice

2008-09-01T16:23:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago I sent an email to my friends Janet and David, inquiring about the arrival of their first grandchild. I never received a reply. Over the weekend I asked friends Jane and Pam if they’d heard any baby news from Janet and David. Neither had, and Jane had also sent an email with no reply.

I guess it would seem logical that being the co-founder of a website to coordinate support for friends, I’m inclined to do a lot of my communicating via email, evites, blog posts/comments. But sometimes a phone call is in order. So I dialed Janet & David’s house – only to get a recording that the number had been disconnected, and there was no forwarding number. Hmmmmm….

Fortunately I had Janet’s cell phone number, and even more fortunately, she answered! We enjoyed a nice long phone chat and caught up on our respective families and jobs (they both retired and quickly decided to sell their house and move to another state!!).

The sound of a friend’s voice is so good! Email is efficient, and I’m certainly “all about it” .. but I do enjoy a phone call, especially for catching up with a friend I have not spoken with in a long time, or with a friend going through a difficult time.

Our goal with WhatFriendsDo.com is to help make the journey of a difficult situation a bit easier. We promote it online and we have a functional tool to use. But the bottom line is that friendships are friendships, and they are very personal – so pick up the phone and let your friend hear your voice. If you get voice mail – as we promote on What Friends Need to Know – leave a message of encouragement, love, cheer – and be sure to let your friend know that he/she does not need to call you back. Your friendship will stay on track, but for right now remember it may be 80/20 rather than 50/50 .. it is your time to give, and your friend will be forever grateful!

Oh yes - the grandbaby is a girl! :)

Today’s Quote: The better part of one's life consists of his friendships. --Abraham Lincoln

Summer's End

2008-08-29T06:29:00.000-04:00

As we go into the last weekend of summer, I know it is time to transition to fall and then to winter. Soon I won’t be wearing my comfy flip flops or crop pants (I will miss both) but I’ll be once again wearing my jackets and sweaters (which I look forward to). Bike rides and mowing the grass will be more pleasant as the temperatures cool here in the Midwest, but shoveling snow and bundling up once it is cold are not things I long for. However, I’m glad for all of these changes, and as I celebrate the beginning of a new year of my life today, I look forward to many, many more August 29’s.

I’m reminded though, of a few of my friends whose summers have probably been a blur. When going through cancer treatments or grieving the loss of a beloved family member, noticing the changing seasons probably marks “how long it has been” and the thoughts are probably more like “where did summer go?” I suppose these friends may look forward to a new season and new hope.

I’m looking forward to the next season – even though I know it will include new challenges for some friends, and changes for other friends. Whatever lies ahead, I hope to be able to be the kind of friend my friends have always been to me.

Summer is almost over – but not yet!! So for now, let the long weekend begin.

Today’s Quote: You can never appreciate the shade of a tree unless you sweat in the sun. -- Author Unknown

Hello Jeremy

2008-08-28T06:29:00.002-04:00

Remember that show “Name that Tune”? Well, if there is ever a show called “Find that Site” I want to be a contestant. I enjoy finding things on the internet, and can usually find them rather quickly.

Last weekend, as I was working on a few things on my computer, I had the TV on , tuned to the Olympics. Over and over I kept hearing the sportscasters saying the name Jeremy Wariner (1 R). This may not seem like much of a big deal, except I know someone named Jeremy Warriner (2 R’s). The Jeremy I know is just as remarkable as the famous runner, but for quite different reasons. Jeremy Warriner was in a terrible car accident in October of 2005. As a result, both of his legs had to be amputated above the knee and he has undergone so many surgeries I really cannot count (but I bet his family can!) Jeremy’s determination to walk again, and to resume a normal life has been amazing to watch, and he is a true inspiration to so many people. I check his blog often.

So, as I’m hearing Jeremy Wariner on the TV, I find it amazing that one of the fastest runners in the world shares the same name with the young man I know who is so determined to walk again. Well – this is how my mind works – I decided I would try to make contact. So – surfing away I went! Within a few minutes (“find that site”) I had the email address of Jeremy Wariner’s agent. I quickly composed a short message, and clicked on SEND.

Much to my delight, yesterday I received a response, with a request for Jeremy Warriner’s phone number. I’ve since talked to Jeremy Warriner’s mom, who told me that Jeremy called Jeremy. The conversation started something like this:
Jeremy 1R – Hello
Jeremy 2R – Hello, is this Jeremy Warriner?
Jeremy 1R – Yes, this is Jeremy Warriner.
Jeremy 2R – This is Jeremy Wariner.
Jeremy 1R – No, I am Jeremy Warriner
Jeremy 2R – Well I am also Jeremy Wariner.

I have to tell you I was so excited this connection happened. It reinforced to me that we have to try – if we don’t take a chance and try something, how can magical and wonderful things happen? I also have to tell you that I am totally impressed with Jeremy Wariner. This guy just finished with the Olympics and is doing a race tomorrow in Zurich (yeah, I checked his website!) but he took the time to call a fellow Jeremy Warriner. How cool is that?

So folks, on this Race Your Mouse Day – get inspired – click around and do something special for someone. It doesn’t have to be your best friend – it doesn’t even have to be someone you know! If you’ve been intending to sign up to take a meal to a friend in need, click on your friend’s team page and sign up right now. If you've been meaning to send flowers to someone, send them now.

Today's Quote: Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. --T.S. Eliot

Just Because

2008-08-27T06:23:00.001-04:00

So many people seem to need a reason to do something, or a specific reason to call someone. Not me. One of the things I know about myself it that I like to be around people (although I also cherish my quiet time alone!). I enjoy being around friends, so it is not one bit unusual for me to gather a group of friends together for dinner, to play cards, or to see a movie. I also send emails to friends just to check in or to chat – for no specific reason – just “because.”

So “Just Because Day” is a favorite theme for me. Helping a friend with a project, just because … baking zucchini bread and sharing it – just because….sending a note to say hello – just because.

I find I especially contact friends who are going through a long-term illness, or are grieving, just because I know it makes a difference. Sometimes I will send an email to a total stranger who has a team on WhatFriendsDo.com, just because their story tugs at my heart for some reason, or I am in awe of the amazing things friends on the team are doing. I’ve even made a few new friends this way – some have reached out to me, and some I’ve reached out to.

Make someone smile today – a stranger, a life partner, a co-worker, a caregiver – by doing something “just because.” Guaranteed YOU will feel great, too!

Today’s Quote: Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. – Warren Buffet

The comfort of a dog

2008-08-26T06:27:00.002-04:00

I personally don’t have any pets now. But for years and years we always had a dog, and cats at various times. For a short time we had Jonathon the bird. Many people, though, cannot imagine life without a family pet (or two, or three…). When those friends encounter a challenging time in life, taking the first steps in offering help and nurturing is easy – it can begin with the dogs and cats!

Since so many people feel very uncomfortable with friends fussing over them, fussing over their pets is the perfect way to ‘open the door’ of assistance. When a friend was taking her daughter to numerous lengthy doctor appointments, lining up dog walkers was so helpful.

There have been many times when I’ve visited a sick friend only to hear tales of the fun gifts the dog received, or the way friends fussed over the dog. These stories were told with great joy and pride. Translation: fussing over the dog made the friend feel better!

So next time you pick up some puppy treats or toys, grab some extras to drop off to a friend going through cancer treatments, or mending a broken leg. After all, loving our friends pets is often similar to loving their children!

Today's Quote: One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why. ~Author Unknown

Help Change the Journey

2008-08-25T06:25:00.001-04:00

In the U.S. we typically think of daffodils in the spring time. The American Cancer Society always has a Daffodil Day. So why does WhatFriendsDo.com suggest daffodils in August? Well, it’s time to pay attention to those bulb catalogs. Order some daff bulbs, so when fall planting time is here you’ll be ready.

Planting bulbs in honor of a friend is a really awesome thing to do. Each spring when the green starts to peek through, there is an excitement – it really is magical even though we know it will happen every spring. Imagine the smile on your friend’s face when beautiful bulbs bloom that were planted in honor of a loved one who passed away this year. Or the joy of blooming flowers that symbolize complete recovery from cancer.

So today – we must plan ahead! And don’t worry – there will be another post on this WhatFriendsDo.com blog in October to remind you to plant the bulbs, with ideas for turning the planting into an event.

If you get the WhatFriendsDo.com newsletters, you’ve seen how we end our messages: “We cannot change the outcome of your situation, but we hope we can help change the journey.” Celebrating each day in a bit of an unusual way is part of how the journey can have little bright spots, regardless of how difficult the situation is. Daffodils – any day of the year – are bound to cause smiles!

Today’s Quote: "Just living isn't enough," said the butterfly, "one must also have freedom, sunshine, and a little flower." --Hans Christian Anderson

Stamps - they're not just to pay bills!

2008-08-24T06:34:00.000-04:00

Once day last week I pulled the mail from my mailbox and much to my delight were TWO hand-addressed envelopes. Both were notes from friends. What a treat it is to receive ‘personal’ snail mail – not just the bills and advertisements.

I’m not as good about sending cards and notes as I would like to be. Several years ago one of the things I started as a New Year’s Resolution was to write a personal note to someone each day. I’m sorry to say I only did it for a few weeks. I really enjoyed doing it, but of course I got busy. Shame on me.

Today, on Lick a Stamp Day, let’s all mail something to a friend in need. We just never know what a difference our card or note might make!

Today’s Quote: A helping word to one in trouble is often like a switch on a railroad track . . . an inch between wreck and smooth, rolling prosperity. -- Henry Ward Beecher

The Most Important Ingredient

2008-08-23T06:47:00.003-04:00

I don’t really have many “favorites”. I don’t have a favorite color, favorite food, favorite restaurant, favorite song or movie. I don’t have a favorite ice cream, a favorite TV show or a favorite outfit.

I’m not sure what that says about me. I know it’s not because I am indecisive – I just like a variety of things (even though I have always been deemed a picky eater!)

So on Favorite Cookie Day – what would I choose??? That would depend upon who else was going to be eating the cookies. If I were sharing with Brett, Stephanie or Claire – chocolate chip with LOTS of chips would be the way to go. For Aimee, oatmeal with cinnamon chips. For Elliott – it would be Oreos because he can’t eat any dairy or egg. Think about THAT – bake some yummy cookies with no dairy or egg – but I understand Aimee’s friend Kelly has mastered them! If I were to give a prize today to the person who has best accommodated Elliott’s long list of food allergies, the prize would go to Kelly! She’d also get an extra prize for being such a great friend to Aimee. In my opinion, Kelly is a wonderful example of what friends do.

Baking for friends I expect I’d usually opt for chocolate chip cookies. They seem like good comfort food to me. A fun thing to do with cookies is to put them on a decorative plate, and on the bottom of the plate tape a note that says “pass this plate on to another friend in need – filled with your favorite cookies.” The same thing could be done with a fun cookie jar. Your friend receiving the gift of cookies immediately feels good knowing he/she is going to ‘pay it forward’ sometime soon!

Today’s Quote: Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life.

Do It - Be an Angel!

2008-08-22T06:24:00.004-04:00

So often a friend will call or send an email at just the right moment – at a time when I really need some contact. And so often I have called a friend heard something like “you have no idea how amazing it is that you called when you did.”

We have a tendency to think that ‘angels’ coming into our lives means someone we don’t know, or even know of. But most of the time angels are the friends who save the day or save the moment:

The friend who calls to say “I’m stopping at the grocery in 5 minutes, what do you need.”
The friend who calls to say “my son could really use a playmate today, can your son come over to our house to play for a few hours.”
The friend who stops for a visit and brings the mail from the mailbox – in the pouring rain.
The friend who mows the lawn while the family visits dad in the hospital.
The friend who says “I see your screen door isn’t closing properly. I had the same problem with mine a few months ago and figured out the solution, so I’ll fix yours and save you the hassle of figuring out what I already figured out.”

The list could go on and on – but you get the picture. Angels are every day people like you and me. They do everyday routine things like we all do each day. So on Be an Angel Day, it’s so easy for each of us to be an angel for someone.

Go for it – be an angel! And click on Comments to share what you did – or better yet, what some angel did for you!

Tomorrow’s post is all about cookies!! YUM.

Today’s Quote:
Angels may not dress the part,
With robes and wings that soar,
Often angels come as friends
Knocking at your door.
---Author Unknown

I'd like to be the sort of friend ...

2008-08-21T06:05:00.003-04:00

My friend Sally is an amazing angel. Her mom has Alzheimer’s Disease and is in a nursing home. Sally’s dad lives nearby, but needs daily help. Along with working full-time and being the mom of a teenager, nearly every day Sally visits her mom and stops in to help her dad. She has her parents over together for dinner once or twice a week, and makes sure her dad has a good dinner every night.

Sally is also an angel to all the other senior citizen’s at the nursing home. When friends have books they no longer want, Sally loads them in her trunk (boxes and boxes!!) and takes them to the nursing home – the residents there love to read! She also coordinates a few fun activities throughout the year – like strawberry shortcakes for everyone. She and a few other people get all the fixin’s and treat the entire nursing home to a yummy dessert!

Isn’t she an incredible example for Senior Citizen’s Day? Certainly we want to applaud all of the things done by those in generations before us, but this blog and WhatFriendsDo.com are all about what we can do for others in their time of need. Follow Sally’s example and do something special and fun for the senior citizens’ in your life – even if they are complete strangers!

Today’s Quote: I'd like to be the sort of friend that you have been to me. I'd like to be the help that you've been always glad to be; I'd like to mean as much to you each minute of the day, as you have meant, old friend of mine, to me along the way. - Edgar A. Guest

Do you hear what I hear?

2008-08-20T06:29:00.001-04:00

Today is National Radio Day. Works for me! I’ve always been one to have the radio on in my car. I actually remember one time someone was going to drive my car and she asked how to turn the radio off. I drew a blank. I’d never turned the radio off! Really!

Two years ago I received a year-long subscription to Sirius satellite radio as a birthday gift. I was hooked instantly! Now my car has “in dash” Sirius. Gosh, I sound like an infomercial, don’t I? Siriusly, (ha) I really do love to have my tunes on in the car … channels 4-5-6-7 are all on ‘my buttons’.

I’m such a fan of listening to music that I often suggest a boombox as a gift for a friend in the hospital. Audio books, music CDs, radio – for me, that’s a great way to pass the time while recuperating. If you’ve been trying to think of something nice to do for a friend, get in sync with National Radio Day. A radio or a subscription will make a great gift – perfect for a music fan, a sports fan, a news buff… oh, SO many stations .. so many choices!!

Today’s Quote: Hearing is one of the body's five senses. But listening is an art. -- Frank Tyger

Pass the Salad, Please

2008-08-19T06:05:00.001-04:00

Over the weekend I went to Josh & Deanna’s open house – they just bought their first house and it was fun to see them excited as they start this new adventure! My “housewarming” gift was a Garden Stick – but that will be another story another day.

I’m guessing Josh & Deanna will be eating the leftovers from their great food spread for about 3 more weeks! They had so many yummy things. When I saw the food table, I immediately recognized Carolyn’s fruit salad. She makes the most fabulous salads – they always taste great and look so beautiful. She has a great gift for cooking.

Salads are always great to take to a pitch-in (as we say in Indiana) or a potluck (as they say in some other places.) Salads are also good to take to a family when some meals from friends are helpful.

Today I thought it would be fun to see how many salad recipes I could collect! After all, sharing recipes is most definitely what friends do! Please click on COMMENTS and share your favorite – whether it is fruit salad, tuna salad, taco salad, macaroni salad, pasta salad or a variety of lettuces.

Today’s quote: Friends are the Bacon Bits in the Salad Bowl of Life.

Ornaments of a House

2008-08-18T06:04:00.003-04:00

Today is Balloon Day, so naturally I think of festive decorations. Today is my friend Jan’s birthday, and I am sure her house has colorful signs and cards from her children, and the traditional flowers from her husband – one rose for every year!

In most of our homes and offices it is not unusual to see balloons, flowers and cards on a special occasion. But the brightest balloons and the most fragrant flowers don’t begin to compare to the smiles and hugs when a friend visits!

At a party last week I was talking with someone I’d not seen for many years. As I was telling her about WhatFriendsDo.com she told me of two different friends with cancer. She’s not called either friend, and feels guilty. I encouraged her to check the WhatFriendsDo.com website to find a way to open those doors. I assured her that her friendships would pick right up where they left off, all she needed was a comfortable way to make contact. Balloon Day is a great example; send balloons with a note with words such as “Thinking of you and hope to visit with you soon.”

Tomorrow’s topic is ‘summer salads’ … plan on sharing your favorite recipe!

Today’s Quote: The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ready, Set, Shop!

2008-08-17T06:05:00.001-04:00

I’m not really much of a shopper. But I often wind up in a dollar store or thrift shop when a project needs to be done. During the awful storms and floods that swept through the midwest this summer, Stephanie’s basement filled with water. On my way to help her with cleanup, I stopped at the dollar store and was delighted with some of the great bargains I found for the clean-up project. I headed to the dollar store again when I was organizing a disastrous cabinet; the plastic containers I bought were perfect for the task.

I have great memories of some of the ‘junk’ my aunts used to get at thrift stores when I was a little girl. I’m finding some silly treasures for Claire and Elliott to play with – things that are not costing me much, but are making fun memories.

If you have a friend who is overwhelmed with life, how about offering a trip to the dollar store today. Maybe your friend needs to get things organized, or stock up on household staples. Or maybe your friend would just enjoy the diversion of looking around to see what fun things are available.

Today’s Quote: Teach us to give and not to count the cost. --Ignatius Loyola

Spread a Little Laughter

2008-08-16T06:06:00.004-04:00

Our good friend Maggie will soon begin courses to get her Master’s Degree in Art Therapy. Maggie will help people heal emotionally by helping them engage in art projects, which in turn will often help with physical healing.

Another emerging therapeutic field is humor therapy. It uses laughter to help people heal. Laughter is proving to have benefits in strengthening the immune system, reduce food cravings, and increasing one’s threshold for pain. Wouldn’t it be fun to be part of a test group for humor therapy studies?

There’s a reason that Reader’s Digest has continued its Laughter is the Best Medicine segment for so many years, and even devotes its September issue to humor! Even if laughter only gives the outward appearance of joy and pleasure, it makes sense that laughter is a wonderful way to help a friend feel like life does still have some bright spots while in the midst of a terrible time. So often I have heard people say that if they don’t laugh they will cry. Interestingly, people usually feel a relief after the good laugh – and things don’t seem quite so bad.

So – celebrate Tell a Joke Day and help your friend laugh a little! Laughter can be contagious – and what a great thing to ‘catch’ today! Even if it is just gives your friend a momentary laugh, that’s ok.

Find some jokes – and rather than “forwarding” them in an email – how about printing them and snail mailing the jokes in a colorful envelope? This will allow your friend to share some laughs while in the presence of others, and feel part of a group – and that may be exactly what your friend needs right now.

Whether you choose juvenile jokes (Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!), political jokes (be careful!!), knock knock jokes – spread some laughter today.

Today’s Quote: A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad. - Arnold Glasgow

Relaxation Day

2008-08-15T06:04:00.011-04:00

Hooray – it is Friday! After a busy workweek and lots of activities, some relaxation is in order! Thinking back over the past month’s relaxing times for me, it is interesting that several of those times were when I was visiting with friends who were in the midst of recuperating.

Playing Banagrams with Pam on her screened-in porch after her shoulder surgery was wonderful. We talked, laughed, enjoyed the birds singing. Munching on goodies with Katie on the screened-in porch of her new home was so relaxing for all of us, and Katie especially enjoyed the break from unpacking boxes. Visiting with Pat and Lynda is always so enjoyable, and spending time with them on their porch after Pat’s surgery was a good break for my hectic Saturday afternoon.

(I see a definite pattern: I enjoy friends and porches! This is not a newsflash to anyone who knows me.)

For me, each visit could have lasted many hours but I consciously didn’t want to stay so long that my friend would be worn out. I was very aware that our time spent visiting was purely relaxing for me but was using energy that was in short supply for each of them.

Relaxation comes in different forms for each of us. Whether it is reading, watching movies or TV, gardening, walking, you can probably find a way to share your relaxation time with a friend going through a challenging time… because that’s what friends do!

Pam is mending, and some good PT will allow her to be back on the golf course soon. Katie’s house is a warm and welcoming home – with her special touches! Pat got an all-clear path report and is feeling good. Now we all need to spend some time on those porches “just because.”

Tune in tomorrow for a bit of humor.

Today’s Quote: Seek something outside your nine-to-five job as an additional source of fulfillment and as a way to feel the joy of helping others.
-- Harold Kushner

Sunflowers and Gifts

2008-08-14T06:04:00.006-04:00

August 14 will forever be a special day because on that day in 2006 our dear friend Laura’s life here on earth ended. Sunflowers will also be forever special because of how they surrounded Laura in her final weeks. The story is really quite amazing.

Before her brain cancer diagnosis Laura had not lived with her mom for quite some time, as she was a vibrant 25-year-old. She did have a room at her mom’s house, though – in the basement – her own special retreat. Mom’s bedroom was on the main floor with windows overlooking the perennial gardens in the back of the house. Flowers galore decorated the yard year after year. But in the summer of 2006, as Laura’s health declined, new flowers appeared in the yard that had never been there in previous years. Amazingly, they surrounded a corner sunroom of the house that, by July, was converted to a room for Laura, as she was by then bed-bound and needed to be on the main floor of the house. The sunflowers grew taller and taller, until they created a blanket around the windows of Laura’s room.

One might think these were an amazing gift for Laura. But she didn’t really care about them. She focused her attention on the door of the room and out into the living room, as she wanted to see her visitors. The sunflowers were for the friends and family. The expressions of amazement whenever anyone visited filled everyone with joy.

Most amazingly these flowers were gifts brought by the birds – planted to surround Laura’s family in their time of need. It’s the same thing we people do. It is our instinct to take or send flowers when someone is ill, going through a rough time, or grieving the loss of a loved one. Before August 2006 I never paid attention to the fact that the birds taught us this lovely gesture!

So when I see sunflowers, yes I think of Laura – and I smile. Laura had a gift for making everyone smile, so of course she would have a symbol to stay with the rest of us for years and years to make us smile.

Today we celebrate sunflowers and celebrate the joy Laura brought to our lives.

If you have a story to share about a divine gift like this one, please click on Comments and share!
Tomorrow – relaxation day!! Check back here to read what friends do for relaxation.

Today’s quote: A bird does not sing because it has an answer.
It sings because it has a song. – Chinese Proverb

Beginnings

2008-08-13T06:02:00.008-04:00

Welcome to the WhatFriendsDo.com Blog! Beginning this blog today seems appropriate, as it is a day of new beginnings. As my friend Katie pointed out, “new beginnings” is redundant. But oftentimes we need that double reinforcement that a beginning is a new chapter of life.

August has long been a month for beginnings in our family. Among the many birthdays, today is Stephanie’s. So on this day, she begins a new and exciting year. Happy Birthday, Stephanie! Today is also a special beginning for Claire, as she heads off to her first day of kindergarten. That means it is also a beginning for her mom Aimee and brother Elliott, as they learn their new day-to-day routines while Claire is gone. For dad Brett, he gets to be the glue for awhile. New beginnings are an adjustment, even in the best of circumstances. For Stephanie, today’s new beginning will probably seem very ordinary. For Claire, it is filled with excitement and anxiety – who ever knew how school would 'feel’ before attending that first day? For Elliott, this new beginning will be one of confusion, sadness, and loss for the big sister who has been his playmate for the entire 3 years of his life. This is similar – on a very minor scale – to how a husband feels after the death of his wife, how an accident victim feels after the loss of limbs, how a young woman with cancer feels during the course of chemotherapy. All of these situations are times of wondering how life can ever be happy again, how it can every feel right again. For Elliott, he will soon learn that having his mom’s full attention during the school day is pretty cool, and finding new little guys to play with is even more cool. For those going through major life challenges, they too will find joys in life again, through the help of their friends.

Life changes each day – sometimes very subtly, sometimes way too dramatically. However your friend’s life is changing, do what you can to help him/her go through each day in a new way; be a part of it. Do what you can to help make the transition a little easier: extend invitations for shopping, offer meals, be a good listener. Keep in mind that, like Claire’s family during her kindergarten beginning, the entire family is going through a change. Remember the children, the parents, and the pets!

Life will be good again.

Please check back here tomorrow to read about Sunflowers and Gifts.

Today's Quote: Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. --Closing Time